Sunday, December 28, 2014

BMN Superfan season 3, episode 3

Shandi announces that the teams created in the last episode will sleep in the same beds for the entire season, with two beds in each of three rooms.  ("I hope we get along better than they do in the jungle [on Survivor]," deadpans Curtis.)  They will be symbolized by color: Michael/Aubrey/Keiji/Vicky in red, Curtis/Alecia/Julie/Rob in blue, Phil/Maurice/Shannon/Jamie in green.

To determine which team has the advantage of using the master bedroom, a game of "water pong" is played, which is the classic bar game with cups filled with H2O instead of alcohol.  Each contestant gets one minute to hit as many as the 10 targets as possible, with all targets counting toward a team total.  With a total of 11, the red team wins the largest space.  (The green team finished second with 10, and the blue team was third with 8.)

As the day wears on, the pressure of traditional farm work gets to some of the contestants.  Vicky and Alecia bump into each other on the briar patch while collecting berries, and only a producer's intervention prevents it from turning it into a catfight.  Meanwhile, Rob gets minor treatment for a cut after being kicked by a mule; he says, "This was worse than any wrestling match I've ever had, and it's real too!"

The main challenge is dedicated to Ralph, and the memory-wall item is a stuffed and mounted head of the first 15-point buck he ever caught.  The three teams run a relay race in which the first member shoots at a clay target from 30 feet, the second hits an arrow toward a bullseye 20 feet away, the third catches one of three rubber "bass," and the final member dunks a mannequin into the water to simulate a baptism.  The fastest time wins immunity for the winning bedroom, while everyone else faces elimination.  Along the way, everyone has to run through a muddy obstacle course.

Curtis' dead-eye accuracy gives the blue team the early lead, but Julie's face plant on the obstacle leading to the archery range leaves the door open for the other teams.  At the end of the second obstacle, the red and green teams are well ahead of the blue team.  At the third stage, things change yet again, as Vicky seems unable to figure out how to put the bait on properly, let alone catch a fish.  She even loses her cool and throws the pole into the water at one point.  Rob just beats out Jamie to the baptism pool, and with an emphatic dip, wins the challenge for the blue shirts. ("Congratulations, but I must say you almost drowned him!" Shandi exclaims.  "Guess that goes my chance to be a minister," Rob sighs.

Rob as the individual "MVP" wins a $500 gift card from Bass Pro Shops, while the other three get $50 cards and more importantly immunity.  In addition, Bass Pro agrees to contribute $10,000 to the prize jackpot, increasing it to $47,000.

Then it is down to the business of picking someone for elimination.  Eventually, Barbie Blank, Bill Leslie,  and champion bass fisherman Kevin Van Dam narrow it down to hot-head Vicky ("unfortunately, she has confirmed the dumb blonde stereotype," Bill says) and Phil ("he has done nothing but complain all season long [about farm life]," an exasperated Barbie concluded).  Eventually, judges deem problem behavior they could see as more important as what they couldn't, and send Vicky home.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

BMN Superfan season 3, episode 2

The "official cast" of 13 moves into the Barefoot Family Farm, and everyone is in awe.  "I watched this family a million times, and I never thought I'd be here," says Julie.  Shandi greets the cast and has them meet Labell, one of Popeye's 10 siblings (and five brothers).  When asked to guess how many children he and his wife have, all the guesses are wrong, then Labell says, "The actual number will blow your mind."  He then opens the door and the contestants see all 20 children. "Oh my God, I was about to drop to the floor in shock," Aubrey says.  This is followed by the first morning challenge: In teams of four, place the names of the kids and their parents with each of their faces, as shown in a picture, correctly.  The team with the fastest time wins lunch with Labell, wife Allene, and all the children.  Since Curtis had the fastest overall time in the go-kart challenge, he picked all the teams.  Here were the results:
1. Ryan, Maurice, Shannon, Jamie
2. Curtis, Alecia, Julie, Rob
3. Michael, Aubrey, Keiji, Vicky
Phil is not picked and has to clean poop from the barn while the others compete.  "Phil seemed to be the most unhappy with what's ahead, so we got him out of there pretty quick," Curtis explains.

The teams are retained for the main, after-dinner challenge, which will result in elimination.  The featured piece of the memory wall is Brenda's prized apron representing her skills in the kitchen.  Before the task is explained, Sgt. Gillian Jacobsen, director of recreational services, and Staff Sgt. Lindsay Hall, member of the season 1 cast, are introduced.  For this task, the assignment is to feed 100 guests from Fort Bragg, the huge nearby U.S. Army base, a three-course meal.  Two members of each team actually cook, one takes the orders, and the final team member serves the food.  Ryan got the first choice of course and selected entree, while assigning Curtis et al dessert and Michael et al appetizer.  Here's what the troops ate:
  • Appetizer - Shrimp ceviche, cooked by Aubrey and Michael
  • Entree - New York strip steak, red-skinned potatoes O'Brien, cooked by Shannon and Jamie
  • Dessert - Banana cheesecake shooters, cooked by Alecia and Rob
Phil joined the troops in the dining room and was guaranteed immunity for the week.

During service, Aubrey and Michael had to struggle to find enough shrimp, Ryan bungled the orders resulting in two tables being held up and going hungry for a time, and Alecia and Rob debated the correct temperature for the bananas.

Once finished, it's on to the farm's great room for the first panel of the season.  Brandon McLamb, the Barefoots' publicist, is also in New Jerusalem, so replacing him is someone else from season 1, Barbie Blank.  Also new this year is Bill Leslie, TV anchor, reporter, and award-winning recording artist.  Finally, Staff Sgt. Hall is the guest judge.  Hall, a fan of the series Hell's Kitchen, warns that she will be especially tough tonight.

The teams meet one at a time; it's determined who was responsible for what in the kitchen.  Standouts were Aubrey on appetizers for finding the shrimp in time, Jamie for a batch of perfectly-cooked steaks, and Maurice for amusing the troops who had to wait longer than expected for their food.  On the other hand, "some of what I saw too closely remembered what Gordon Ramsay has to go through each week.  You just couldn't get it together," Sgt. Hall complains to Alecia and Rob.  Of course, Ryan was also in the bottom three for the bungled orders.  "As in the Army, there are no excuses, and I will do better next time," he says.  Bill isn't satisfied: "No excuses isn't always the same as no explanations.  As far as I'm concerned, maybe he's simply trying to coast through this competition.  At times, I looked in his eyes as if he didn't even care.  That's just a shame."

Judges eventually pick Aubrey the winner; she takes home not only an apron, but also an estimated $1,700 worth of kitchen appliances.  The total in the grand-prize kitty is now nearly $37,000.   Because Ryan's leadership skills were placed in question by the panel, he is the obvious choice to be eliminated.  In disgust, he responds, "I can't believe they're not giving me a second chance.  These judges are tougher than even in my wildest fears.  Oh, well, I'll keep watching BMN TV anyway."

BMN Superfan season 3: Better late than never

Last fall, I was supposed to post summaries of the third season of my "reality" competition series, BMN Superfan.  However, I did not know exactly how to make this series different from the previous two, and I also had a hard time figuring out how to find a whole new batch of contestants.

Only now have I found ideas for both.  As for the setting, it's the Barefoot Family Farm in the two weeks or so surrounding their landmark show in the New Jerusalem, when everyone is gone and a whole bunch of other people have to come in and take care of the place.  The idea is for one or two competitions a day to take place in and around the farm work.  (Coincidentally, the first episode was to debut on Sep. 7, 2014, two weeks after the "special two-night event" in and around the family show.)

As for the cast, my fascination with personal names prevailed.  All 16 contestants have the same names as celebrities, either an original name before the celeb became famous, a slight misspelling of the name, or a different gender:

  • Phil Brooks, 39, Medford, MA - Occupational therapist; real name of pro wrestler CM Punk
  • Aubrey Chapman, 32, Roseville, CA - Christian radio host/producer; original name of, and of different gender than, Drake
  • Sarah Colley, 21, Cookeville, TN - College student/published poet; original name of Minnie Pearl
  • Shannon Doherty, 29, Honolulu, HI - Director of special events at a resort hotel; one letter off from actress Shannen Doherty
  • Vicky Hogan, 36, Creve Coeur, MO - Baker; real name of heiress Anna Nicole Smith
  • Julie Inkster, 35, Bremerton, WA - Tattoo and makeup artist; one letter off from pro golfer Juli Inkster
  • Curtis Jackson, 30, Anderson, SC - Car salesman; real name of 50 Cent
  • Patsy McClenny, 66, Grapevine, TX - Great-grandmother/distance runner; real name of actress Morgan Fairchild
  • Maurice Micklewhite, 51, Croydon, London - Retired schoolteacher; original name of Michael Caine
  • Alecia A. Moore, 25, Ontario, CA - Freelance sportscaster, girlfriend of Blinky Blink; real name of Pink (pictured at right); also was on season 2
  • Keiji Mutoh, 43, Vancouver - Chiropractor; original name of pro wrestler The Great Muta/Super Black Ninja
  • Jamie Oliver, 33, Highlands Ranch, CO - Youth sports coach; same name as, but different gender than, celebrity chef
  • Michael Ray Richardson, 27, Chicago - Musical director at a church; one letter off from retired pro basketball player Micheal Ray R.
  • Walker Smith Jr., 38, Lilburn, GA - Police officer and community service director; real name of "Sugar" Ray Robinson, boxing star of the 1950s
  • Ryan Starr, 24, Bergenfield, NJ - Pro skateboarder; same name as, but different gender than, an American Idol contestant who was on the inaugural season
  • Rob Van Winkle, 29, Las Vegas - Pro wrestler; real name of Vanilla Ice
However, casting so many people caused a problem: Since the house - and this season - have only 13 contestants each - three of them have to go home without ever entering the house.  How will that happen?  Read on for the summary of the first episode.


Host Shandi Finnessey welcomes the 16 contestants to Raleigh-Durham International Airport.  She announces that this season will take place on the Barefoot Family Farm, where they will help in the farm chores while the 13 permanent residents are in New Jerusalem for their big show.  At various times during their stay, they will compete in various challenges and be eliminated until one remains; the winner will then receive the equivalent retail value of select items in the family's "memory wall" (Patsy explains that the memory wall are the most prized possessions that the family members brought with them to Heaven).  Then she drops the hammer: Not all of those present will make it to the farm, or for that matter onto the original show cast!  "You need to pass one final audition first," Shandi warns.  Everyone is left guessing what that is as they are taken to a go-kart track in Cary, NC.  Here, Shandi unveils the item on the memory wall related to the challenge: the show car Buddy Wayne received for Christmas on the last episode of season 1 of Gone Barefoot.  (Its value is over $35,000, the first contribution to the eventual grand-prize jackpot.)

In this kart racing challenge, the contestants are placed in four heats of four each, two men and two women.  The winners of each heat will receive a die-cast car from its driver, Sprint Cup rookie Austin Dillon, while the last-place finishers go into one more heat, with only the winner moving on into the house.  Results follow:
  • Heat 1 - 1. Curtis; 2. Rob; 3. Alecia; 4. Patsy
  • Heat 2 - 1. Ryan; 2. Julie; 3. Keiji; 4. Sarah
  • Heat 3 - 1. Jamie; 2. Vicky; 3. Phil; 4. Maurice
  • Heat 4 - 1. Michael; 2. Aubrey; 3. Shannon; 4. Walker
In the last-chance heat, Maurice "channels his inner Lewis Hamilton" (in his words) to win the race and the last remaining spot on the official cast.  That sends both the oldest and youngest contestant (Patsy and Sarah, respectively), as well as Walker, home.


I'll post the next episode tomorrow, and the rest as soon as I can plot the season.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Cooter makes a confession

One never knows when inspiration will strike.

Recently, I began watching the new series Crowd Control on the National Geographic Channel.  This show, hosted by behavioral expert Daniel Pink, explores how human behavior can be manipulated.  One example that has aired uses plastic bags with embarrasing personal statements in an attempt to get supermarket shoppers to change from those bags to reusable ones.  This is an effort to save the environment and is being adopted by certain governments; in fact, California will ban them statewide as of mid-2015.

Of the several available statements, one caught my eye right away, and that's the one on the T-shirt Jesse Travis "Cooter" Barefoot (middle).  Cooter is a minor character in the Barefoot family; a third cousin of Buddy Wayne's, he is part of the cast of one of my character's spinoff TV series.  What the Buck? chronicles Hambone in her second job, which is as the owner and publicity director of Camp Paradise in Stricklands Crossroads, NC.  While Cooter and his three brothers teach hunting, fishing, and survival skills, Hambone answers the phones, arranges the group visits, and organizes activities after classes.



Like members of a boy band, each brother has special characteristics.  Bear is the brains of the operation, Lil' Jack is ambitious and headstrong, and Boo Boo is quiet and workmanlike.  Oh, and Cooter?  He's the comic relief, an illiterate daredevil who never takes himself seriously.  Just look at what he's wearing:

For what's on the shirt, I took a still from the episode I saw last Monday, then used another layer to isolate the word "BOOGERS" and change the color to black; this was followed by adding a stroke.  I placed it on a plain gray T-shirt.   Cooter's face was cut from the What the Buck? promotional material I made, then added the pants, arms, and legs from the sources I always use.  Finally, the background is the briar patch I picked up from an online forum picture.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

My book has changed again; Ralph "weighs in" on local controversy

I originally had no plans to post this weekend, but two things have come up that I want to bring to your attention:
  • The book has gone through yet another revision.  This time, the montage of Brenda and B.W. I created and mentioned last week is now included on page 17, one of the Down Home magazine covers has moved to page 29, and a duplicate picture of Belinda has been eliminated.  In addition, a caption of the Hambone montage with "BLOW ME a big, wet kiss" on page 54 has been changed to the following: "(Next page) It only looks dirty...until one reads the (very) fine print below."   The ordering information hasn't changed, though; just click on the cover on the page.
  • In my reading of The Daily Record (Dunn, NC), I came across an article about a girl from Angier - a town in Johnston County maybe 10 miles north of the farm - who complained about an act of censorship by the Walt Disney Company that attracted the attention of Fox News Channel, and also of self-professed language expert Ralph.  First, here's the article:

Angier Child Takes On Disney Over God
By TOM WOERNER
Of The Record Staff


An Angier girl found herself in the national spotlight this week after she says the Disney Channel discriminated against her because of her Christian faith.

Lilly Anderson, the 10-year-old daughter of Julie and Jeremy Anderson, was featured on the “Fox and Friends” program Tuesday morning after an encounter with the Disney Channel. Lilly responded to a question on the Disney website during the Thanksgiving holiday asking what she was thankful for.

She responded that she was thankful for “God, my family, my church and my friends.”

The only response Lilly got from the Disney site was an acceptance denial and the words “Please be nice!” which appeared in large red print when she attempted to submit her answer.

After consulting with her mother, Lilly realized that if the word God was left out of the answer it was immediately approved as a response.

Mrs. Anderson answered the question several times and each time God was mentioned the red lettered response appeared.

“We worked together and we were able to figure out that the word ‘God’ was the problem,” Mrs. Anderson said...

She does not understand Disney’s policies.

“My whole thing is if it is OK to be thankful for things, why does Disney think it is not OK to recognize where those things come from,” Mrs. Anderson said. “Lilly is smart enough to realize her things come from God, they do not come from Walmart.”

Mrs. Anderson was also not happy with the wording.

“It is a slap in the face to Christians when you refer to God ‘as not nice,’” Mrs. Anderson said. “It tells children it is wrong to share the love of God.”...

Disney released a statement on the issue saying the incident happened because of “filtering technology to prevent profanity from appearing on our websites. Unfortunately, because so many people attempt to abuse the system and use the word ‘God’ in conjunction with profanity, in an abundance of caution our system is forced to catch and prevent any use of the word on our websites.”

The statement then said the company “would have been happy to explain our filtering technology to the inquiring family had they contacted us.”


Ralph, the church pastor whose "it only looks dirty" T-shirt with alternate definitions of certain words and phrases also used in a sexual vein is pictured (I created the shirt on the CustomInk website, then brought it into Photoshop), would have weighed in with, "How Disney explained why Lily Anderson's thoughts could not be published is unfortunate.  It's sad that so many people take the name of God in vain, and that it has ended up offending a true family of faith."

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Another view of mother and son

It's been two weeks since I posted here, as I was merely waiting for the right opportunity to dive back in.

I dusted off my Photoshop CC program about a week ago.  I had hoped to chain the Barefoot Moms' Club quilting photograph (first one below) to one more closely resembling the original picture it came from (second one below).  Although the result - by way of "makeup" layers - gave them a more realistic look that the exaggerated effect of using their original pictures (Jennifer's look is especially cartoonish), it unfortunately does not address how different my characters are compared to those depicted originally.  So I had to abandon the work without saving it.




Then I thought back to my book, and one photo I wish was there.  Specifically, I would have removed the full-page photo of the person who was the basis of Belinda and put it in its place another that featured Brenda.  The only thing I could think of to do in just a few minutes' time - which I did early this morning - was to take a picture of her with her son and best friend, Buddy Wayne.  The setting is beautiful and the overall look is, well, barefoot innocence.

Backdrop: Steve Caplin, How to Cheat in Photoshop 6; female body picture: In Wonderland with Alice; male body picture: either Jethro or Homer (probably Homer), a bluegrass duo from a record, Barefoot Ballads, they made in the 1970s; female face, Kim Blitchington; male face, Bubba Britton.  Hue and saturation adjustments matched the faces with the bodies.

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Start of new class schedule

ABC Adult School has started its second quarter of the 2014-15 school year, so that means new classes for me. 

I started line dancing classes on Monday and Wednesday afternoons; given the rural Southern nature of my characters, it's all the more appropriate.  The teacher is Jessie Shepherd, who despite her name is actually of Chinese heritage.  She is a versatile instructor, with a full week of classes that also includes Zumba, Pilates, and yoga.  Her complete schedule is part of a larger list you can access here.

I am continuing with ballroom dancing on Tuesday and Thursday with Linda Yao.

Also, I did minor revisions of One Family Together Forever and, while I was at it, used the option on Lulu.com to remind my Facebook and Twitter friends that my book is still for sale.  I have no sales yet, even after three months, but I am still optimistic!

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Encore: Patricia Driscoll's time on BMN Superfan

In the wake of disturbing allegations of domestic violence against NASCAR driver Kurt Busch by former girlfriend Patricia Driscoll - and the investigation revealed on Friday - I once again post the episode on which she would have been eliminated, as originally posted in November 2013.  I called her "Pam" since I heard that was her first name.  - D.H.

A unique challenge begins this episode: The eight remaining cast members are divided evenly and play four-handed games of bunco, a dice game preferred by many older members of the Barefoot household.  The winners of each game will have an advantage in the next team challenge.  Deb [Holmes] defeats Casey [Atwood], Pam, and Bobbington [Brandt] in the first match, while Tim bests ButtaFly [Kimberly Wimberly], Adam [Brister], and Meredith [MacBills] in the second.  The opponents then become teammates for the main challenge, with the bunco winners becoming team captains.

The task for them is to make a pitch for a TV show that would fit on the BMN schedule.  Deb's idea is "Fast Times," about a race-car driver who uses the DNA of various stars of the past to gain an advantage.  Casey is the driver, Pam his wife, Deb the driver's publicist, and Bobbington a security guard.  Tim has a show concept called "Hayride Rescue," in which struggling farms and ranches are turned around based on historic themes.  Tim is the mastermind, Adam and Meredith the curators, and ButtaFly the publicist.  The winning team gets a five-minute program on the BMN website and a one-hour special on the main network.

The pitches are heard not only by regular judges Brandon McLamb and Brian Warner, but also by BMN advisor Steve Beverly.  Both pitches are looked at with a very critical eye.  Deb's team was praised for having a "cool retro idea that somehow, in a strange way, fits well with this network" (McLamb) but Warner and McLamb debated about whether the show would use too much modern technology.  "It may be too much of a shock to the system for some viewers," Warner argues.  As for "Hayride Rescue," McLamb and Beverly love the idea of celebrating rural culture through renovation, but Warner is opposed, saying there are simply too many shows on TV like that one.  Beverly has the last word: "Once you have a winning idea, you want to spread it to as many places as possible."

Beverly must have been very persuasive, as "Hayride Rescue" wins.  Then Shandi Finnessey announces a surprise: the second double-elimination of the season, which will leave only six competitors.  When Pam is told that she is the biggest target in the house, she replies that "only you can vote me out, and I have faith that you won't because I have played a great game so far."  McLamb responds that "I just don't have that faith anymore, not after the big risk you took.  Looking back, 'Fast Times' is not what BMN wants; it's just too modern.  We always look to the future by reviving our past.  Maybe the past is there on this show, but it's pretty hard to see.  Pam is the first contestant sent home; seconds later, Deb is eliminated for endorsing the concept and "letting Pam walk all over her."

At the end of the show, celebrations go on inside the room, and a cloth doll representing Pam is buried in one of the garbage carts.

Buddy Wayne, who was the show's executive producer and who would have known her from working on various projects to help military families, would have issued this statement: "Although the police investigation is still unfolding, it's apparent that either Kurt Busch committed a horrible crime of disrespect or Patricia Driscoll committed a blatant lie.  In any event, it is bad news and a major setback in the efforts to help the brave men and women who have served our country.  I pray for a swift and favorable resolution, healing on both sides, and for those affected by these alleged events through no fault of their own."

Saturday, November 1, 2014

What the Barefoot family sounds like

Revised Dec. 28, 2014

Last week, I teased the existence of this post, only to cancel it at the last minute when it was revealed that the doppleganger of the real-life teacher I used to portray Brenda's face, Kim Blitchington, was dating a child molester and as a result had her show kicked off TLC.  (By the way, June Shannon's oldest daughter, Anna Cardwell a/k/a Chickadee, has since admitted to having oral sex with Mark McDaniel; this was when Anna was just eight years old.)

Now it's time to further develop my characters by giving them voice characteristics.  As stated last week, this is done as a baseline in case my Gone Barefoot story ever reached film or TV; actors and actresses cast for the roles can fine-tune their own voices to match what I have in mind.  (Video clips are available for illustration if they are available.)

As always, I'll start with Buddy Wayne.  Since I made John "Bubba" Britton's face into his own, it's only fair that his voice would be based the same way.  I found a voice sample on this YouTube link, which is a sizzle reel for an upcoming episode of Beg, Borrow & Deal, the sports/travel competition show ESPN aired twice.  Britton appeared and was part of the winning team in the first season, 2002.  (By the way, that season was the last time Rich Eisen would host a show on ESPN; he moved to NFL Network just months later.  Today, Eisen not only hosts pregame shows on Thursday nights and Sunday mornings on the channel, he also has launched a daily talk show on Audience Network and Root Sports.)

Bobby Ray will have the voice of Bo Granthum, wife of Anna "Lil' Bit" Granthum.  They are the co-owners of Mountain Creek Mud Bog, featured on the Animal Planet series Mud Lovin' Rednecks; I have written before that the show is one of my guilty pleasures.  Anna provides the "voice" of Hambone because the high pitch in Anna's voice is a good match to 'Bone's personality.  MLR is also the source of Bunky's "voice," actually that of a friend and co-worker named Kyle.  (No video is available on the Animal Planet site, but there could be video on the Facebook page.)

I stumbled onto Bryson's voice on an episode of the TLC series Extreme Cheapskates.  That show features Jeni Cox, a woman from somewhere in the South who uses swimming pool to clean her clothes and uses bubble wrap as a pool filter.  One of Cox's three children, whose faces were blurred by the network to protect their identities, had a great Southern boy voice when he joked that the techniques were just like those of the 19th century.

For Belinda, the "voice" is that of Addison, a subject of a pageant makeover on an episode of the Lifetime series Kim of Queens.  Addison goes from a mud-loving redneck to a beauty pageant winner with the help of former Miss Georgia - and now a famous coach in pageant circles - Kim Gravel.  (No clips exist from the episode I'm describing, but Addison does turn up again a few times in season 2, for which video is available.)

Belinda's wife Jennifer sounds like Cox herself (see above), Annie would have the voice of Brenda Cantrell, also from Extreme Cheapskates; she's on the episode in which two penny-pinchers go on to have a wedding in a store that sells unclaimed baggage from various airlines.  (Yes, such a place does exist, and that marriage happened!)  As for Brenda, she sounds like Becky Beanblossom, founder and owner of Home Instead, an elder-care service located in Louisville, KY.  (Click on the embedded video.)

An episode of Carolina Outdoors Live, a web-only show, from 2009 is the source of the voice of Harvey (guest Kelly Barefoot) and Ralph (host Jeffrey Thomas).

I got Brandy's voice from Junebug, the specialty-label film distributed by Sony in 2005 which resulted in Amy Adams' first Academy Award nomination (she's yet to win in four tries). But it's a six-second clip from Amy Barefoot that I used here.  The real-life namesake plays Kitty, a guest at the baby shower for the title character which is to be Ashley's (Adams) daughter.  (Sadly, Ashley suffers a miscarriage.)

Popeye's sound is that of "Papa Bear," Bo Granthum's father, also from MLR.


I know that's a lot to absorb, but hopefully you get the picture.  And for whoever ends up in these roles on TV or in Hollywood, break a leg!

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Brenda isn't dating a child molester! Honest.

When I did a brainstorm for this week's topic, I originally thought of further character developments.  Those who have seen my character bios (click on "2012," then "September," then the posts that begin with "Meet the Barefoot Family") know that I have given you an idea as to what they look like.  Originally, my plan for this blog posting was to introduce what some of them would sound like.  This would be useful in the event (one in a million chance, but still possible) of further adaptation of my stories for use in movies or on television.

However, something has happened in the last two days that I see is a pressing need to bring up right now.  It centers on Buddy Wayne's beloved mother, Brenda.

Years ago, I began collecting photographs of people who have certain last names.  Many were named Barefoot, but a few others were also included.  One of the other surnames is Blitchington, which is very rare and has family roots among the Savannah River, which forms most of the border between Georgia and South Carolina.  It intrigues me because it sounds like an odd cross between upper-class Southern plantation and lower-class redneck.

One of the pictures is that of Kim Blitchington, who as of the time I put it in my hard drive in 2011 was a teacher at the Montessori School in Columbus, OH.  Sometime in 2013, she left the school and I don't know what has happened to her since.  I felt that her modest face would be great to represent the down-on-her-luck but persistent mom that Brenda is, as well as someone who thought more of other people than herself.  As a reminder, here's what Kim/Brenda looks like:

One year after I assigned Blitchington's face to Brenda Barefoot - but just after the post that confirmed their shared identity - Here Comes Honey Boo Boo premiered on TLC, and I began watching that show for the first time.  Boo Boo - real name Alana Thompson - had debuted a year earlier on that network's Toddlers & Tiaras, in which contestants as young as four years old compete in so-called "glitz" beauty pageants.  That sounds creepy enough, but apparently Boo Boo was such a sensation on her segment that TLC gave her a spinoff show, which also featured her family.  Among those was her mother, June Shannon.  As you can guess at this point, Shannon bears more than a slight facial resemblance to Kim Blitchington - and would-be Brenda.  I watched their adventures in spite of myself, largely because I was drawn to the bucolic rural Georgia scenes that was the backdrop of the show.  Oh, and their thick Southern accents that the network felt required subtitles, like an entire foreign language.

The show had been on for three seasons and a fourth was wrapped up, awaiting an on-air schedule.  Then, it happened: TMZ struck again!  Hollywood's most infamous "gotcha" site - the one that brought down Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling and showed the Ray Rice elevator tapes - shared a picture of what it claimed to be Shannon in bed, literally, with a child molester.  TMZ added that the two are now dating each other.

Mark McDaniel, 53, was released just last month from a prison in Georgia after a 10-year sentence and is now a registered sex offender.  McDaniel had been convicted of trying to force oral sex on an 8-year-old who is related to Shannon, and who Shannon still has contact with.  You can see the picture and article here; however, it should be noted that both one of Boo Boo's sisters and McDaniel's brother think the photo was somehow manipulated.

Nonetheless, TLC took the story seriously enough to have the show canceled officially on Friday.  The statement reads in part, "TLC has canceled the series...and ended all activities around the series, effective immediately...Supporting the health and welfare of these remarkable children is our only priority. TLC is faithfully committed to the children's ongoing comfort and well-being." (Source: The Hollywood Reporter via Newser, a wire service of sorts that is linked to my ISP's home page.  Here is the Newser link.)

Clearly, it's a shame that the woman my character now resembles that has made an incredible lapse in judgment, one that has cost her, her youngest daughter, and the rest of her family a TV show they probably enjoyed very much doing.  However, my faith in Brenda - and the rest of "the 13" I lovingly made up and still maintain - has never been shaken.  I'm just glad that this "off-the-grid" family most certainly has no idea about this coincidence and hopefully will be ready to explain it away if someone from the outside world ever asks.

I promise you, I'll reveal the Barefoots' voices next time.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Reviewing "Lil' Mama's" funeral

So I reported last week about the death of the author's maternal grandmother, Sallie Mae McMillon a/k/a "Lil' Mama."  Well, the funeral service (or as the evangelical black community insists on calling it, a "homegoing service") took place today here in southern California.  The sites were as follows:

Although the Barefoot family consists of fictional characters and McMillon was very real - when I passed her body, it hit me that I won't be able to see or speak to her again, at least in this life - I see some similarities and influences between them.

As mentioned in the introduction to my photo book, I built the self-sufficient country lifestyles of the Barefoots after visiting land the McMillon family once owned in Keatchie in DeSoto Parish, LA.  (The village is about 60 miles south of Shreveport in the northwest corner of the state.)  I remember having to climb over a barbed-wire fence to get there, which was very painful.  But when I was able to visit the land, it was all worth it.  The visit revealed a life that I longed for and did not realize it - one in which everyone can fulfill basic needs through hard work, dedication, and taking advantage of what they have.  As Phil Robertson, the "Duck Commander," wrote in Happy, Happy, Happy: "...Even when times were the hardest, I never heard my parents, brothers, or sisters utter the words, 'Boy, we're dirt poor.'"  By the way, chapter 1 of that book is a good description of the same lives the Barefoots would live if they existed, just as much as some of the blog entries I have written.  (To see those, click on "2012," then "September," then four posts near the top with that theme.)

Then there are these:
  • Alonzo "Popeye" Barefoot has 10 siblings, five brothers and five sisters; Sallie McMillon had 10 children, four sons and six daughters (and all but one daughter is still alive today).  
  • In real life, my brother Tommy was born in 1979, as is Buddy Wayne.
  • B.W. was born on March 14, the day between my own birthday on the 13th and my mother's on the 15th.  (I changed it from the original Apr. 7, which I picked, believe it or not, for a no-hitter thrown that day in Major League Baseball.  It was by Ken Forsch for the Houston Astros against the Atlanta Braves.)
  • Lil' Mama died exactly 358 days after my niece Havana was born.  In my world, B.W.'s daughter Blanton Elizabeth (Lizzie) is just a year old.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Deb Holmes is the NFL's survivor

The Philadelphia Eagles' primary color is green, also associated in Western culture with luck.  Somehow, it's all fitting for Deb Holmes.

A little more than a year after finishing as runner-up in season 2 of BMN Superfan, Holmes is the winner of the contest called Super Bowl Scramble: The Road to ArizonaSBS was a survivor pool contest based on the results of actual NFL games.  As explained a few posts ago, I assigned B.W. himself and 31 other people with varying associations with him to every team in the league; as long as those teams kept winning, they were still in the running, but if their team lost, they were also gone.

Week 4 brought a twist of the remaining players having to switch teams due to open dates for some teams that were still undefeated.  Two of those left won with their new teams, while the others did not.

Those two remaining contestants - Holmes (Eagles) and chiropractor Billie Barefoot (Cardinals) - were given their old teams back last Sunday.  The Eagles defeated the Rams, 24-13, and then hours later the Cards fell to the Broncos, 41-20.  Those results gave Holmes the grand prize, a package from NFL On Location that includes:
  • Four tickets to Super Bowl XLIX in Glendale, AZ, on Feb. 1, 2015
  • Hotel accommodations for the three nights before the game
  • Tickets to the National Football League Honors at the Dodge Theater in Phoenix on Jan. 31; also, Holmes will help present one of the awards
  • Four tickets to NFL Experience or another public event related to the game (I would like for them to go to the league's theme park, but it was not held before the last game and I don't know if it will return for the next one)
  • A series of appearances on radio and TV shows at the Super Bowl Media Center on Jan. 30
  • A copy of the official Taste of the NFL cookbook (held at the same time as Honors, the food-sampling event raises money for food banks and other related organizations)
  • Special edition merchandise from the league
The total estimated value is over $3,500.

For the record, here's the complete list of eliminations:
  • Wayne VandenLangenberg - eliminated Sep. 4 (Packers lost, 16-36, to Seahawks)
  • Shandi Finnessey - eliminated Sep. 7 (Rams lost, 6-34, to Vikings)
  • Alonzo "Popeye" Barefoot - eliminated Sep. 7 (Redskins lost, 6-14, to Texans)
  • Bobbington Brandt - eliminated Sep. 7 (Raiders lost, 14-19, to Jets)
  • Harvey Barefoot - eliminated Sep. 7 (Chiefs lost, 10-26, to Titans)
  • Brooke Liptrap - eliminated Sep. 7 (Ravens lost, 15-21, to Bengals)
  • Barbie Blank - eliminated Sep. 7 (Jaguars lost, 17-34, to Eagles)
  • Dylan Bryan-Brown - eliminated Sep. 7 (Patriots lost, 23-33, to Dolphins)
  • Bunky Barefoot - eliminated Sep. 7 (Bears lost, 20-23, to Bills in overtime)
  • Rob Ritchie - eliminated Sep. 7 (Browns lost, 27-30, to Steelers)
  • Krista Bamburg - eliminated Sep. 7 (Saints lost, 34-37, to Falcons in overtime)
  • Hylton Tripp - eliminated Sep. 7 (Buccaneers lost, 6-20, to Panthers)
  • Billy Bob Ribble - eliminated Sep. 7 (Cowboys lost, 13-28, to 49ers)
  • Beanblossom twins - eliminated Sep. 7 (Colts lost, 24-31, to Broncos)
  • Melanie MacMelville - eliminated Sep. 8 (Giants lost, 14-35, to Lions)
  • Blinky Blink - eliminated Sep. 8 (Chargers lost, 17-18, to Cardinals)
  • Josh LoMonico - eliminated Sep. 11 (Steelers lost, 6-26, to Ravens)
  • Bubba Brister - eliminated Sep. 14 (Titans lost, 10-26, to Cowboys)
  • Luke Muellerleile - eliminated Sep. 14 (Vikings lost, 7-30, to Patriots)
  • Brittany Ramos - eliminated Sep. 14 (Dolphins lost, 10-29, to Bills)
  • Ralph Barefoot - eliminated Sep. 14 (Lions lost, 7-24, to Panthers)
  • Lyman Bowling, Jr. - eliminated Sep. 14 (Falcons lost, 10-24, to Bengals)
  • Brian Warner - eliminated Sep. 14 (Seahawks lost, 21-30, to Chargers)
  • Beth Barefoot - eliminated Sep. 14 (Jets lost, 24-31, to Packers)
  • MacMoose brothers -eliminated Sep. 14 (49ers lost, 20-28, to Bears)
  • Brandon McLamb - eliminated Sep. 21 (Bills lost, 10-22, to Chargers)
  • LaBundrick "Bam Bam" Plumpkin - eliminated Sep. 21 (Texans lost, 10-31, to Giants)
  • Buddy Wayne Barefoot - eliminated Sep. 21 (Broncos lost, 20-26, to Seahawks in overtime)
  • Bobby Ray Barefoot - eliminated Sep. 21 (Panthers lost, 19-37, to Steelers)
  • Brittany Raylene - eliminated Sep. 28 (Saints lost, 14-31, to Cowboys after being switched from Bengals)
  • Billie Barefoot - eliminated Oct. 5 (Cardinals lost, 20-41, to Broncos after win with Chargers the prior week)
  • Deb Holmes - winner (Eagles won three times, then Chiefs won, then Eagles won again)

Farewell, "Lil' Mama" "Egg Pie"

A lot of things happened early this week, in both my worlds.

Here, I would like to acknowledge the death of my maternal grandmother, Sallie Mae Pipkins McMillon.  She was known by both the nicknames you see in the title, though "Lil' Mama" was by far the most commonly used.  She died on Monday at a hospice in Lynwood, CA - the same city at which I was born - after a period of declining health; she was 104 years old.

All of us in the extended and immediate families are grateful for all the years she lived and all the lives she touched.  We will miss her everyday.

Below is a photograph submitted by one of my cousins, Felicia L. Young.  Taken sometime in the last year, McMillon is shown holding a great-great-grandson, Britin (last name not available).

Funeral arrangements have still not been completed.


Sunday, October 5, 2014

NFL survivor league could end today

Play in week 4 of the National Football League season reduced the field in the battle for the all-expense-paid trip to Super Bowl XLIX by one.

Brittany Raylene was the only one whose "new" team lost, as the Saints lost, 21-38, to the Cowboys.  Billie Barefoot switched to the Chargers, who beat the Jaguars; and Deb Holmes switched to the Chiefs, which routed the Patriots.

As a result, modified sudden death rules now apply.  In other words, to win the prize, one of the teams must win and the other team must lose in the same weekend; otherwise, the competition continues.  Billie and Deb get their old teams back today, as the Cardinals (Billie) take on the Broncos in Denver and the Eagles (Deb) host the Rams in Philadelphia.

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Pitches and another wedding photo

Today, I began to publicize my new picture book in earnest.

This morning, I went to Brady Poirier's Photoshop class at ABC Adult School for the first time since the spring of 2013.  I had a presentation of about 15 minutes in which I summarized the book and tied it to what I learned in Photoshop.  As in the introduction to the book, I explained the reason I signed up for the class was to use the program to bring the characters I created to life.

Coming in, my biggest concern was how the students would react to the cover price of $54.95, of which I will get $1.60 per copy sold as a royalty.  When I went to my current location at Cabrillo Lane and asked an office worker who I thought might be interested in the book, the worker told me that she had no discretionary income to pay for it, in part because the office was closed in the entire month of August and she was not paid as a result.  Thankfully, no one raised a public objection to the price, and I hope this is a good sign for what's to come, as well as the fact that everyone seemed to enjoy the presentation.  (I didn't explain it to them, but they can also look at a free sample download before they commit to buying it; that's available on the sales site at Lulu.)

Up next, I tried to get the local libraries in my area - George Nye and Iacoboni - to post flyers with sales information.  However, I was told that Los Angeles County policy prohibits book sales for personal gain on their property.  I was bitterly disappointed to hear that, because library patrons would make great customers for obvious reasons.  But there is a Friends of Lakewood Libraries program at Iacoboni which sells books and magazines to help pay the expenses the county won't, and I will contact it to see if it will work with me somehow.

This weekend, I will post at The Way Christian Fellowship in Lakewood, the church I attend, and then on Tuesday I will present a conference call to an online forum about sports and sports media for which I have been involved for years.

I will end the post with a "followup" to one of the pictures on page 13.  That shows B.W. and Brittany's first wedding photo.  However, as I have written before, that marriage was not what they wanted since it had to be so hastily arranged.  What I have below is their re-commitment ceremony, which I set last year, or three years into their marriage.  It was a real ceremony in North Carolina, with Ralph being the officiant and a full reception afterwards in which the traditional first dance was replaced by their duet "When the Bough Breaks," which was inspired by their relationship.  (I've made up the title and hope someday to write lyrics, though that's not guaranteed.)  The wedding photo is the cover of the 2014 bridal guide in The Daily Record (Dunn, NC), the bridge is from Raven Rock State Park from the same newspaper, the water comes from a lake put into the teacher files by Brady Poirier, and the font for the wedding announcement is Monterey BT, which is a great cursive font.  To create the "different strokes," I had to duplicate three rasterized layers with the same type and erase unwanted strokes from each of them.


NFL "survivor" league, part 4

This is part one of my blog "doubleheader" for the week.  It is a continuation of the 32-person contest among my favorite people, real and imagined, in a made-up contest for a VIP trip to Super Bowl XLIX in Glendale, Arizona, courtesy of NFL On Location.

After the games of the third week, the field is down to three contestants, all of whom have been given a twist worthy of reality television.  Here's the explanation: At the start of the season, contestants were assigned a team to follow for the entire season and they advanced if those teams continued to win.  It has worked well to this point, but now the open dates begin (and will continue right until Thanksgiving).  Two of the three remaining "survivors" - Brittany Raylene (Bengals) and Billie Barefoot (Cardinals) - have teams that are not playing this week.  To ensure competitive integrity, they will be asked to continue play with another team that has been eliminated.  And to be completely fair, Deb Holmes (Eagles) also must change teams.

So what new teams did they choose?  Each arrived with new teams in three very different ways:
  • Holmes chose the Chiefs because current head coach Andy Reid was the Eagles' head coach from 1998 to 2012.  Reid has more victories than any other coach in Eagles' history and has one of their two Super Bowl appearances.  The Chiefs will host the Patriots this coming Monday night.
  • Brittany originally wanted the Broncos (husband's team), but the Broncos have a bye too.  In desperation, she turned to Facebook and held an option among her friends.  They were asked to pick among the 25 other available teams and bid for Brittany's use of that team with the highest bidder winning.  Krista Bamburg Ribble won with a bid of $35,000; she selected the Saints, which was her team at the start of the contest.  So that will be Brittany's team this week as they travel to Arlington, TX to take on the Cowboys. (Ironically, Britney Spears, the fallen pop star who caused me to create the Brittany Raylene [Spears] character in response, grew up in Kentwood, LA, about a hour's drive from the Saints' home field in New Orleans.)
  • After a brief flirtation with the Cowboys (he went to graduate school in Dallas), Billie the chiropractor decided to go with the Chargers.  Why?  He had narrowed his choices down to the three teams the Cards have beaten this season - Chargers, Giants, and 49ers in that order.  For advice, he then called a talk show and spoke to co-host Ron Wolfley, who also analyzes Cards games on the radio.  Wolfley wanted Billie to pick San Diego since Wolfley thought that was the best chance to win among the three.  Billie accepted, so now he will root for the Chargers this coming Sunday in their home game against the Jaguars.
There are plenty of scenarios this weekend.  Consider those involving Holmes:
  • If the Chiefs win, Holmes is guaranteed no worse than advancing to week 5.  With both Chargers and Saints losses, Holmes is off to Arizona.  If one of them also wins but not the other, Holmes and the other winner move on for one more week; they would then have to choose between their old teams and their new ones.
  • If the Chiefs lose, Holmes is out unless both other teams lose; in that case, the contest resets and continues into week 5, and all three players get their old teams back.  If only one of the Chargers and Saints win as well, Billie or Brittany are Arizona-bound.  With both wins and a Chiefs loss, Billie and Brittany continue in the game with the same option as above.
Finally, here are the latest eliminations, all on Sep. 21:
  • Brandon McLamb (Bills lost, 10-22, to Chargers)
  • Bam Bam (Texans lost, 10-31, to Giants)
  • Buddy Wayne (Broncos lost, 20-26, to Seahawks in overtime)
  • Bobby Ray (Panthers lost, 19-37, to Steelers)

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Something new, something improved

After some time off, I did some Photoshop work after all.  I guess being roused up late at night by unbearably warm temperatures throughout most of the week in the Los Angeles area did that to me.

Up first is an update of an earlier photo montage showing my favorite country/blues artist Bubba Brister.  Originally, I used a picture of the real Adam Brister when he was the lead singer of the short-lived Southern gospel band the Revelators.  Although I touched it up a bit, it was still blurry and part of the face was still very dark.  Also, I didn't like the Hobo Standard font (as in the 1970s hit TV show The Dukes of Hazzard) as much as I thought.  So I went to a photograph I picked up about two weeks ago on a casual visit to Brister's Facebook page and found on a file called "Old Pics."  It had also appeared on the Bubba Brister Band page on Guitar.com which had been taken down.  That was taken several years earlier when Adam Brister attended high school in Wyoming.  It's of better quality and all I had to do was fit his head over the 2012 Facebook photo I used earlier.  The font is Birch Standard; it's larger, has a stroke to improve readability, and is over a larger available area within the background picture.

New




Old


Below that is my rendition of a rainbow lobster.  I first saw the phrase on the 1989 game show Now You See It, of which my love for it I've written about earlier.  It's not to be confused with cherax quadricarinatus, which is an actual freshwater crayfish that is native to Australia. (So it actually exists, unlike, say "barbell boycott" and "earmuff etching" from the same show.)

For my version, I started with a photograph of a lobster about to become dinner at a restaurant in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada.  I then used layers showing different colors, and each with lowered opacity, to complete the look of the strange fish.  The colors are green, black, and blue in addition to red.


Monday, September 15, 2014

NFL "survivor" league, part 3

The number of participants in my world's NFL "survivor pool" league, continues to dwindle, with just seven contestants left at the conclusion of week 2.  Here are the latest eliminations.
  • Josh LoMonico - eliminated Sep. 11 (Steelers lost, 6-26, to Ravens)
  • Bubba Brister - eliminated Sep. 14 (Titans lost, 10-26, to Cowboys)
  • Luke Muellerleile - eliminated Sep. 14 (Vikings lost, 7-30, to Patriots)
  • Brittany Ramos - eliminated Sep. 14 (Dolphins lost, 10-29, to Bills)
  • Ralph Barefoot - eliminated Sep. 14 (Lions lost, 7-24, to Panthers)
  • Lyman Bowling, Jr. - eliminated Sep. 14 (Falcons lost, 10-24, to Bengals)
  • Brian Warner - eliminated Sep. 14 (Seahawks lost, 21-30, to Chargers)
  • Beth Barefoot - eliminated Sep. 14 (Jets lost, 24-31, to Packers)
  • MacMoose brothers -eliminated Sep. 14 (49ers lost, 20-28, to Bears)
Each of the remaining contestants will have their teams face a different opponent this coming week:
  • Buddy Wayne Barefoot (Broncos - at Seahawks)
  • Bobby Ray Barefoot (Panthers - home vs. Steelers)
  • Brittany Raylene (Bengals - home vs. Titans)
  • Brandon McLamb (Bills - home vs. Chargers)
  • Billie Barefoot (Cardinals - home vs. 49ers)
  • LaBundrick Plumpkin (Texans - at Giants)
  • Deb Holmes (Eagles - home vs. Redskins)
Conceivably, this could be the last week of the pool, or it could lead to a new twist in the contest which could have some of the remaining contestants being forced into hard decisions.  Details would be posted next week, if applicable.

Saturday, September 13, 2014

NFL "survivor" league, part 2

Here are the results of the "survivor pool" featuring 32 members of the various circles of Buddy Wayne Barefoot.  Remember that the competition ends when "their" team loses, and the eventual winner goes to Super Bowl XLIX in Glendale, AZ.

Eliminations are in exact chronological order based on the time that the games officially ended.
  • Wayne VandenLangenberg - eliminated Sep. 4 (Packers lost, 16-36, to Seahawks)
  • Shandi Finnessey - eliminated Sep. 7 (Rams lost, 6-34, to Vikings)
  • Alonzo "Popeye" Barefoot - eliminated Sep. 7 (Redskins lost, 6-14, to Texans)
  • Bobbington Brandt - eliminated Sep. 7 (Raiders lost, 14-19, to Jets)
  • Harvey Barefoot - eliminated Sep. 7 (Chiefs lost, 10-26, to Titans)
  • Brooke Liptrap - eliminated Sep. 7 (Ravens lost, 15-21, to Bengals)
  • Barbie Blank - eliminated Sep. 7 (Jaguars lost, 17-34, to Eagles)
  • Dylan Bryan-Brown - eliminated Sep. 7 (Patriots lost, 23-33, to Dolphins)
  • Bunky Barefoot - eliminated Sep. 7 (Bears lost, 20-23, to Bills in overtime)
  • Rob Ritchie - eliminated Sep. 7 (Browns lost, 27-30, to Steelers)
  • Krista Bamburg - eliminated Sep. 7 (Saints lost, 34-37, to Falcons in overtime)
  • Hylton Tripp - eliminated Sep. 7 (Buccaneers lost, 6-20, to Panthers)
  • Billy Bob Ribble - eliminated Sep. 7 (Cowboys lost, 13-28, to 49ers)
  • Beanblossom twins - eliminated Sep. 7 (Colts lost, 24-31, to Broncos)
  • Melanie MacMelville - eliminated Sep. 8 (Giants lost, 14-35, to Lions)
  • Blinky Blink - eliminated Sep. 8 (Chargers lost, 17-18, to Cardinals)
  • Josh LoMonico - eliminated Sep. 11 (Steelers lost, 6-26, to Ravens)
Of this week's remaining games, only three have undefeated teams playing each other and one of them is especially intriguing: a "Barefoot Bowl" between the Lions, the team chosen by Rev. Ralph, and the Panthers, the team chosen by co-resident and nephew Bobby Ray.  Another game will see either Brittany Ramos advance with the Dolphins or Brandon McLamb with the Bills, and the other battle of unbeatens is the Falcons (chosen by Lyman Bowling, Jr.) at the Bengals (Brittany Raylene).

Nine others are possible elimination games: Bears vs. 49ers (MacMoose brothers) on Sunday night in the official debut of Levi's Stadium, Eagles (Deb Holmes) vs. Colts on Monday night, Patriots vs. Vikings (Luke Muellerleile), Cardinals (Billie Barefoot) vs. Giants; Cowboys vs. Titans (Bubba Brister), Seahawks (Brian Warner) vs. Chargers, Chiefs vs. Broncos (Buddy Wayne Barefoot), Jets (Beth Barefoot) vs. Packers, and Texans (LaBundrick Plumpkin) vs. Raiders.

The other three games have no bearing on the contest, as both contestants were ousted with losses in Week 1: Saints vs. Browns, Jaguars vs. Redskins, and Rams vs. Buccaneers.

Belated news on NFL "survivor" league

It didn't take me long to get a new idea as to how to use the characters I have made up and introduced into Buddy Wayne Barefoot's life.

Yesterday, I began formulating an idea for a 32-person "survivor pool" involving NFL teams.  For those who have not heard of the concept - and I only know it due to my involvement with the forum connected to the506 website (free membership required to view) - contestants in such a pool predict the winner of a certain game each week.  Win and continue in the game, lose and be eliminated.  It's like fantasy football, only with entire teams and with an open-ended "season."

This pool consists of B.W. himself, members of his immediate and extended family, colleagues from his musical career, staff members from his TV show, past contestants from BMN Superfan, and even a real-life namesake chiropractor.  The grand prize I would have offered is plum: four tickets to Super Bowl XLIX in Glendale, AZ, tickets to the NFL Experience and National Football League Honors, and an interview tour on Radio Row and NFL Network.

When the season began on Sep. 4, just before chaos broke out in the NFL universe, here's who got which teams (asterisks indicate real persons):
  • Arizona Cardinals - Billie Barefoot*, local chiropractor
  • Atlanta Falcons - Lyman Bowling, Jr., head of new Confederacy
  • Baltimore Ravens - Brooke Liptrap*, contestant, BMN Superfan season 2
  • Buffalo Bills - Brandon McLamb, B.W.'s publicist
  • Carolina Panthers - Bobby Ray Barefoot, former area resident who still holds season tickets
  • Chicago Bears - Bunky Barefoot
  • Cincinnati Bengals - Brittany Raylene
  • Cleveland Browns - Rob Ritchie, post-production coordinator, Gone Barefoot
  • Dallas Cowboys - Billy Bob Ribble, bull-riding legend
  • Denver Broncos - Buddy Wayne Barefoot
  • Detroit Lions - Rev. Ralph Barefoot
  • Green Bay Packers - Wayne VandenLangenberg*, contestant, BMN Superfan season 2 (and also The Biggest Loser)
  • Houston Texans - LaBundrick Plumpkin, cast member of Blacknecks and former high school football player
  • Indianapolis Colts - Laura and Heather Beanblossom, stars of "reverse porn"
  • Jacksonville Jaguars - Barbie Blank*, contestant, BMN Superfan season 1, former WWE "Kelly Kelly"
  • Kansas City Chiefs - Harvey Barefoot
  • Miami Dolphins - Brittany Ramos*, winner, BMN Superfan season 1
  • Minnesota Vikings - Luke Muellerleile*, former football player at Carleton College
  • New England Patriots - Dylan Bryan-Brown, cultural director of the New Jerusalem
  • New Orleans Saints - Krista Bamburg, barrel racer
  • New York Giants - Melanie MacMelville, singer/actress
  • New York Jets - Beth Barefoot, local baker
  • Oakland Raiders - Bobbington Brandt*, contestant, BMN Superfan season 2
  • Philadelphia Eagles - Deb Holmes*, winner, BMN Superfan season 2
  • Pittsburgh Steelers - Josh LoMonico, contestant, BMN Superfan season 1
  • San Diego Chargers - Blinky Blink, rapper/dancer/actor
  • San Francisco 49ers - Tyler and Caleb MacMoose, stars of adventure series Don't Try This on Earth
  • Seattle Seahawks - Brian Warner, director, Gone Barefoot
  • St. Louis Rams - Shandi Finnessey*, host, BMN Superfan, Miss USA 2004
  • Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Hylton Tripp, Brandy Barefoot's dance partner
  • Tennessee Titans - Bubba Brister, country/blues artist
  • Washington Redskins - Alonzo "Popeye" Barefoot
I will post the results so far next.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Where will this blog go?

I have decided to change my course of studies at ABC Adult School for the next semester.  Starting Monday, I will return to ballroom dancing and medical billing/coding classes that I took in 2011-12.  After that, in the quarter starting in November, I will take a line-dancing class for the first time.  For someone who's trying to be a country boy at heart, that class will be appropriate.  (In case you're wondering why I can't take it earlier, the beginning class is at the same time as medical billing/coding, which I am taking to reinforce my skills for a possible job opportunity I hope will happen someday.)

What does this has to do with my blog?  That means I will likely have little if any time to work on Photoshop, which has been the lifeblood of the blog for most of the past year.  So I'll have to decide the content I will use in the future.  Will it be first-person "diaries?"  Fake press releases?  Something else entirely?

In the meantime, I can report that I have updated the Gone Barefoot seasons 4&5 page to reflect the latest episodes, including the New Jerusalem world's fair performance season finale.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

More Photoshop: Billboards and "Big"

I continued to envision my world by way of Photoshop this past week.

Up first are a pair of billboards that would advertise the Barefoot Family Farm to potential tourists along Interstate 40.  Near the farm in the Meadow township in North Carolina (Johnston County) is exit 334, which eventually leads to the farm by way of these directions.  The entire family is pictured as well as an alternate slogan to the official one "The way it was before and the way it will be again."  (Try as I might, the longer slogan just wouldn't fit.)  Alongside it is the farm's logo and below that is the exit number.

I used a billboard given to me by my former teacher Brady Poirier; he used it in some projects in class.  I mentioned where the main picture came from, the logo is also from my personal file, and I added my own text.  The two pictures of the interstate (called the James Harrington Freeway in that part of the state) come from the new version of Google Maps, which gave me easy access to the ground-level views I needed.  The top photograph looks north from Godwin Lake Road, and the bottom looks south from Woods Crossroads Road.






Below that, meet Big, the star of the Ultimate Wrestling Federation.  I gave Big's story an entire chapter in The Buddy Wayne Chronicles back in 2007, but I have neglected to picture how he would look like in all those years.  The montage came together this way:

The face is that of Australian rules football star Barry Hall, and I added a bit of hair above his bald head by way of a paint job on a new layer.  The body below him depicts Leaping Lanny Poffo, the former WWE competitor who was the basis for my character. (I had a soft spot for Poffo, as despite having one of the WWE's best gimmicks of the 1980s with Frisbee throwing and poetry, he was marketed as a jobber, or someone told to lose every match.  Worse, he is the brother of one of its biggest stars, the late "Macho Man" Randy Savage - successor to the legendary Hulk Hogan as heavyweight champion - but WWE wouldn't acknowledge it until years later.  Poffo later agreed to turn from a good guy to a bad one under the nickname "Genius" and finally got pushed, much to my dismay.) 

I liked Poffo's promotional picture, but didn't like the chain-link jacket, so I substituted another one I found at a memorabilia resale site for the top.  In turn, I recolored the jacket blue to match both part of the shorts and an image from a YouTube video I have saved from a pre-match on WWE syndicated program.  I would have used a still from the original, but the video was of poor quality. 

My original idea was to place Big (real name: Lanny Ray Mobley) amid the backdrop of a wrestling ring, but with the picture cut off at the legs, that would not have been suitable, so the all-purpose brick wall will have to do yet again.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

"Dixie Rising": The family comes together

Revised Oct. 25, 2014 and Dec. 28, 2014

This week, I have taken a complete break from Photoshop.  For one thing, I have nothing else to try to picture in my mind at the moment.  For another, I went back to revise another personal project, one having to do with sportscasters who called mythical sporting events using all-time player rosters of pro and college teams.  As Stone Cold Steve Austin famously said, "That's all I gotta say about that!"

What I will share here, however, is the playbill for Dixie Rising.  As I have implied before, this is the entertainment and cultural show created to showcase all 13 members of my "second family."  I feel this is a natural project for them.  After all, head of household Buddy Wayne is a well-known singer, songwriter, record producer, and TV executive; he knows how to bring the best out of everyone he works with.  As with any clan, some have natural talent, while others have to develop it.  But all of them have to find a way to come together to entertain the world as part of a cultural fair organized to celebrate the grace and blessings of the Trinity of God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.

Dixie Rising is the official United States entry and part of the World Christian Festival - organized by reformed business leader Dylan Bryan-Brown (see page 196 of The Buddy Wayne Chronicles for more on his previous life).  At that show, some 30 countries participate by showing off their best songs, dances, and other folk entertainments that are in accord with Christian principles.

If this show had existed, the world premiere would have been scheduled for Aug. 24 at 9 p.m. ET/PT on BMN TV on the season finale of Gone Barefoot.

The show begins with B.W. singing his hit song "Bluebird."  After that, he welcomes the crowd at the All-American Theater (modeled after the pictured Nokia Theater L.A. Live, Radio City Music Hall, and the Grand Ole Opry) and explains that Dixie Rising is a celebration of rural American life, particularly in the Southern United States.  Next will be three songs by the Barefoot Boys, Popeye, Ralph, and Harvey.  In order, they are "How Great Thou Art," "Amazing Grace," and "Blessed Assurance."  The last song, for which southern gospel star Bonnie Baldridge is the guest vocalist, was part of the program at the Gospel Singing Convention in Benson, NC, in 1921.

This is followed by two more B.W. songs, "The Ballad of Beulah Mae" and "Southern Rhapsody," and a song by the McLamb Madrigals.  The a cappella Madrigals consist of two sets of sisters - Rachel and Rebecca, and their third cousins LaRae, LaRetta, and LaRayne.

More narration follows, and then come the Barefoot Mommas' Club - Brenda, Brandy, Annie, and Jennifer.  Their contribution is a reading of Proverbs 31:10-31, the last section of that book of the Bible.  Called "The Good Wife" in many Bibles, it is a tribute to the virtuous qualities of women.  Brenda reads verses 10-14, Jennifer 15-19, Brandy 20-24, Annie 25-29, and Brenda returns for the last two verses.  Meanwhile, the violinists Baylee, Brandee, and Ashlee MacKnight set the reading to music. When the reading ends, Brandy dances a waltz with Hylton Tripp, her professional partner and friend, with Blondie (pianist) providing the backing track. 

The action then moves to another part of the set, where Bunky plays with his drum set.  Then, he receives the wild idea to become a one-man band.  Suddenly, a parade starts with Bunky in the lead while Bryson and Belinda hold banners signaling the start of the parade.  Some family members are part of the parade, including Ralph (as outdoorsman/preacher), Brandy (beauty queen), Harvey (part of the football team, as well as Bam Bam Plumpkin, Billy Bob Ribble, and others), and Hambone (as a member of the Honey Bees).  Also in the parade are bead-thrower Amber LaBelliard, cowgirl Krista Bamburg Ribble, Cherokee folk dancer Ricky Mantooth, and military hero Brett Bartlett (though not this one), among others.

B.W. then explains that Southerners love to make everything into a big production, especially on summer nights on the porch.  With that in mind, Bobby Ray takes to the stage and starts to fiddle, and seconds later Hambone jumps on board and plays music with her body.  A huge crowd comes to the stage as she interprets the classic country hit song "The Devil Went Down to Georgia."  She has lots of help: Bubba Brister is the backup singer, and All That does backup dancing.  The only real-life performers in this show, the cloggers from South Carolina make up the only act to make the live rounds of America's Got Talent twice.

Dixie Rising closes with "When We Rise," a "bluntry" (blues plus country) anthem co-written by B.W. and Brittany Raylene and performed by the couple and the Barefoot Boys.  It's sure to be the best-selling hit song in America this year!

(The MacKnight triplets are played by real-life violinists Barbara Barber and Brittany MacWilliams.  MacWilliams provides all three bodies and the violins on the left and right; Barber's instrument is in the middle.)

Saturday, August 16, 2014

My first sale, and Hambone's a "Bee"

First of all, I must report my first sale of my new book - to myself!  It was great for me to see firsthand all the hard work I did in actual book form, thanks to the good people of Lulu.  Believe me, I'll do all I can to hustle and push this book out there to everyone.  I won't be rich off One Family Together Forever, but with my bills piling up and no new job on the horizon, I need to make some money off this.

Meanwhile, I have just expanded on a concept I explained briefly when I summarized an episode of Gone Barefoot in season 4 (January, 2014).  There, I introduced the Honey Bees in passing when I reported on a "Pink Party" spinoff with younger members of the Barefoot extended family.  The Bees began as the Barefoot family athletic program's cheerleading team and was called the Bear Paws, but this has slowly evolved into a full-time entertainment unit and has gained a separate name and mascot.

Hambone (known as "Reba" here, for her real name Reba Pearl) is joined by the 13 others, who are cheerleaders, contemporary dancers, and - as mentioned in my summary - "lip dubbers."  These are groups of people who turn popular songs into full-scale productions by mouthing the words to songs while doing choreographed movements.  An example in real-life is this video from Jack Britt High School in Fayetteville, NC; also, Macy's has just announced a national contest for lip-dub groups, which is open to high-school students from across the United States.

Some of the 14 are real people like Alyssa Barefoot, Brandy Rapp, and even a colorized picture of former Mickey Mouse Club cast member Billie Beanblossom.  Others are based on three cheerleader models I found on various websites, including that of Party City, with brushes, hue and saturation adjustments, and curves adjustments to create distinct faces and hair colors.  "Buzzy" is played by Georgia Tech mascot "Buzz"; I found his picture at the Georgia Encyclopedia site.



Saturday, August 9, 2014

My work's never done - new "shots" of Hambone, Bear

Just before I've finished my photo book does not mean that I have run out of ideas to depict the people, places, and events of my "second family."  Two examples are here: Hambone, who now owns Camp Paradise, and Bear, who was the founder.

First, I have noticed that the fashion for young women is to wear "hip-hugger" shorts.  Obviously, I have none in my clothing collection, but I have found a suitable substitute in my Arizona Jeans.  I shrunk them and moved them up in my body as far as I could, then went to a picture as seen on page 44 of How to Cheat in Photoshop CS6 which shows a tourist's entire leg, including kneecap, which is what I needed.  At that point, I used clone stamp and adjustment layers to make the tourist's legs into Hambone's, and also to merge them with the "Wonderland" foot I've used so many times.   The result is below:

The other montage I created is that of Bear to mark his status as a veteran of the United States Army.  Some years ago, a blogger named Laura Barefoot O'Connell shared the tag she wore when she was in the National Guard some years earlier.  Unfortunately, the blog has been shut down, but I preserved it on my hard drive and can use it for personal projects.  Again, I rely on How to Cheat for the background photo; this time it's on page 36.  I cropped it from the original picture of an Army general with Sarah Palin.  I'm sure some people will find a hidden meaning in that!  Anyway, the original had a big shadow, so I moved the brightness way up to get rid of it.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

'Brandy' and 'Hylton' are getting married!

I thought I was done with the blog for the week.  Well, as Barney Fife always said, "surprise, surprise!"  I was simply "thumbing through" the Friday electronic edition of the Daily Record (Dunn, NC); it was a combination of being bored and trying to keep up with the events of the local churches.  On page A13 came this engagement announcement:

Barefoot, McLamb To Wed Sept. 6

Mr. and Mrs. Randy Beasley of Benson announce the engage­ment of their daughter, Amanda Carol Barefoot, to Jared Scott McLamb, son of Mr. and Mrs. Jan McLamb of Benson. The bride-elect is also the daughter of the late Alfred Wayne ‘Bud­dy’ Barefoot. She is the granddaughter of Alva Lee, Patsy Bea­sley, the late Mr. and Mrs. Edwin Morgan, the late Alfred E. ‘I.D.’ Barefoot and the late R.C. Lee Jr. She is a senior at the Univer­sity of North Carolina at Wilmington majoring in elementary education. She is employed part-time with Crossroads Acade­my in Benson. The prospective groom is the grandson of Mr. and Mrs. Billy Pope of Coats and the late Georgia and Dick McLamb. He received an Associate of Applied Science degree in air conditioning, heating and refrigeration from Wake Tech­nical Community College and is a service technician with Controlled Environmental Services in Garner. The wedding will take place Sept. 6 at Benson United Methodist Church. Invita­tions will be sent.

This is the official engagement photograph.  It's in black and white and not the same as the one on page 59 of my book.


Yes, that's Amanda Barefoot, whose beauty pageant face I made as the model of B.W.'s first cousin Brandy, and which inspired Brandy to be the winner of the Miss Idealia pageant (see page 53)!  And the groom I made at the spur of the moment into Hylton Tripp, Brandy's dance partner in Rebecca Peacock's ballroom classes!  Oh, and Amanda's late biological dad is the namesake of B.W. himself.  Wow, wow, wow!

Good luck to the bride, the groom, and their families.