Sunday, December 28, 2014

BMN Superfan season 3, episode 3

Shandi announces that the teams created in the last episode will sleep in the same beds for the entire season, with two beds in each of three rooms.  ("I hope we get along better than they do in the jungle [on Survivor]," deadpans Curtis.)  They will be symbolized by color: Michael/Aubrey/Keiji/Vicky in red, Curtis/Alecia/Julie/Rob in blue, Phil/Maurice/Shannon/Jamie in green.

To determine which team has the advantage of using the master bedroom, a game of "water pong" is played, which is the classic bar game with cups filled with H2O instead of alcohol.  Each contestant gets one minute to hit as many as the 10 targets as possible, with all targets counting toward a team total.  With a total of 11, the red team wins the largest space.  (The green team finished second with 10, and the blue team was third with 8.)

As the day wears on, the pressure of traditional farm work gets to some of the contestants.  Vicky and Alecia bump into each other on the briar patch while collecting berries, and only a producer's intervention prevents it from turning it into a catfight.  Meanwhile, Rob gets minor treatment for a cut after being kicked by a mule; he says, "This was worse than any wrestling match I've ever had, and it's real too!"

The main challenge is dedicated to Ralph, and the memory-wall item is a stuffed and mounted head of the first 15-point buck he ever caught.  The three teams run a relay race in which the first member shoots at a clay target from 30 feet, the second hits an arrow toward a bullseye 20 feet away, the third catches one of three rubber "bass," and the final member dunks a mannequin into the water to simulate a baptism.  The fastest time wins immunity for the winning bedroom, while everyone else faces elimination.  Along the way, everyone has to run through a muddy obstacle course.

Curtis' dead-eye accuracy gives the blue team the early lead, but Julie's face plant on the obstacle leading to the archery range leaves the door open for the other teams.  At the end of the second obstacle, the red and green teams are well ahead of the blue team.  At the third stage, things change yet again, as Vicky seems unable to figure out how to put the bait on properly, let alone catch a fish.  She even loses her cool and throws the pole into the water at one point.  Rob just beats out Jamie to the baptism pool, and with an emphatic dip, wins the challenge for the blue shirts. ("Congratulations, but I must say you almost drowned him!" Shandi exclaims.  "Guess that goes my chance to be a minister," Rob sighs.

Rob as the individual "MVP" wins a $500 gift card from Bass Pro Shops, while the other three get $50 cards and more importantly immunity.  In addition, Bass Pro agrees to contribute $10,000 to the prize jackpot, increasing it to $47,000.

Then it is down to the business of picking someone for elimination.  Eventually, Barbie Blank, Bill Leslie,  and champion bass fisherman Kevin Van Dam narrow it down to hot-head Vicky ("unfortunately, she has confirmed the dumb blonde stereotype," Bill says) and Phil ("he has done nothing but complain all season long [about farm life]," an exasperated Barbie concluded).  Eventually, judges deem problem behavior they could see as more important as what they couldn't, and send Vicky home.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

BMN Superfan season 3, episode 2

The "official cast" of 13 moves into the Barefoot Family Farm, and everyone is in awe.  "I watched this family a million times, and I never thought I'd be here," says Julie.  Shandi greets the cast and has them meet Labell, one of Popeye's 10 siblings (and five brothers).  When asked to guess how many children he and his wife have, all the guesses are wrong, then Labell says, "The actual number will blow your mind."  He then opens the door and the contestants see all 20 children. "Oh my God, I was about to drop to the floor in shock," Aubrey says.  This is followed by the first morning challenge: In teams of four, place the names of the kids and their parents with each of their faces, as shown in a picture, correctly.  The team with the fastest time wins lunch with Labell, wife Allene, and all the children.  Since Curtis had the fastest overall time in the go-kart challenge, he picked all the teams.  Here were the results:
1. Ryan, Maurice, Shannon, Jamie
2. Curtis, Alecia, Julie, Rob
3. Michael, Aubrey, Keiji, Vicky
Phil is not picked and has to clean poop from the barn while the others compete.  "Phil seemed to be the most unhappy with what's ahead, so we got him out of there pretty quick," Curtis explains.

The teams are retained for the main, after-dinner challenge, which will result in elimination.  The featured piece of the memory wall is Brenda's prized apron representing her skills in the kitchen.  Before the task is explained, Sgt. Gillian Jacobsen, director of recreational services, and Staff Sgt. Lindsay Hall, member of the season 1 cast, are introduced.  For this task, the assignment is to feed 100 guests from Fort Bragg, the huge nearby U.S. Army base, a three-course meal.  Two members of each team actually cook, one takes the orders, and the final team member serves the food.  Ryan got the first choice of course and selected entree, while assigning Curtis et al dessert and Michael et al appetizer.  Here's what the troops ate:
  • Appetizer - Shrimp ceviche, cooked by Aubrey and Michael
  • Entree - New York strip steak, red-skinned potatoes O'Brien, cooked by Shannon and Jamie
  • Dessert - Banana cheesecake shooters, cooked by Alecia and Rob
Phil joined the troops in the dining room and was guaranteed immunity for the week.

During service, Aubrey and Michael had to struggle to find enough shrimp, Ryan bungled the orders resulting in two tables being held up and going hungry for a time, and Alecia and Rob debated the correct temperature for the bananas.

Once finished, it's on to the farm's great room for the first panel of the season.  Brandon McLamb, the Barefoots' publicist, is also in New Jerusalem, so replacing him is someone else from season 1, Barbie Blank.  Also new this year is Bill Leslie, TV anchor, reporter, and award-winning recording artist.  Finally, Staff Sgt. Hall is the guest judge.  Hall, a fan of the series Hell's Kitchen, warns that she will be especially tough tonight.

The teams meet one at a time; it's determined who was responsible for what in the kitchen.  Standouts were Aubrey on appetizers for finding the shrimp in time, Jamie for a batch of perfectly-cooked steaks, and Maurice for amusing the troops who had to wait longer than expected for their food.  On the other hand, "some of what I saw too closely remembered what Gordon Ramsay has to go through each week.  You just couldn't get it together," Sgt. Hall complains to Alecia and Rob.  Of course, Ryan was also in the bottom three for the bungled orders.  "As in the Army, there are no excuses, and I will do better next time," he says.  Bill isn't satisfied: "No excuses isn't always the same as no explanations.  As far as I'm concerned, maybe he's simply trying to coast through this competition.  At times, I looked in his eyes as if he didn't even care.  That's just a shame."

Judges eventually pick Aubrey the winner; she takes home not only an apron, but also an estimated $1,700 worth of kitchen appliances.  The total in the grand-prize kitty is now nearly $37,000.   Because Ryan's leadership skills were placed in question by the panel, he is the obvious choice to be eliminated.  In disgust, he responds, "I can't believe they're not giving me a second chance.  These judges are tougher than even in my wildest fears.  Oh, well, I'll keep watching BMN TV anyway."

BMN Superfan season 3: Better late than never

Last fall, I was supposed to post summaries of the third season of my "reality" competition series, BMN Superfan.  However, I did not know exactly how to make this series different from the previous two, and I also had a hard time figuring out how to find a whole new batch of contestants.

Only now have I found ideas for both.  As for the setting, it's the Barefoot Family Farm in the two weeks or so surrounding their landmark show in the New Jerusalem, when everyone is gone and a whole bunch of other people have to come in and take care of the place.  The idea is for one or two competitions a day to take place in and around the farm work.  (Coincidentally, the first episode was to debut on Sep. 7, 2014, two weeks after the "special two-night event" in and around the family show.)

As for the cast, my fascination with personal names prevailed.  All 16 contestants have the same names as celebrities, either an original name before the celeb became famous, a slight misspelling of the name, or a different gender:

  • Phil Brooks, 39, Medford, MA - Occupational therapist; real name of pro wrestler CM Punk
  • Aubrey Chapman, 32, Roseville, CA - Christian radio host/producer; original name of, and of different gender than, Drake
  • Sarah Colley, 21, Cookeville, TN - College student/published poet; original name of Minnie Pearl
  • Shannon Doherty, 29, Honolulu, HI - Director of special events at a resort hotel; one letter off from actress Shannen Doherty
  • Vicky Hogan, 36, Creve Coeur, MO - Baker; real name of heiress Anna Nicole Smith
  • Julie Inkster, 35, Bremerton, WA - Tattoo and makeup artist; one letter off from pro golfer Juli Inkster
  • Curtis Jackson, 30, Anderson, SC - Car salesman; real name of 50 Cent
  • Patsy McClenny, 66, Grapevine, TX - Great-grandmother/distance runner; real name of actress Morgan Fairchild
  • Maurice Micklewhite, 51, Croydon, London - Retired schoolteacher; original name of Michael Caine
  • Alecia A. Moore, 25, Ontario, CA - Freelance sportscaster, girlfriend of Blinky Blink; real name of Pink (pictured at right); also was on season 2
  • Keiji Mutoh, 43, Vancouver - Chiropractor; original name of pro wrestler The Great Muta/Super Black Ninja
  • Jamie Oliver, 33, Highlands Ranch, CO - Youth sports coach; same name as, but different gender than, celebrity chef
  • Michael Ray Richardson, 27, Chicago - Musical director at a church; one letter off from retired pro basketball player Micheal Ray R.
  • Walker Smith Jr., 38, Lilburn, GA - Police officer and community service director; real name of "Sugar" Ray Robinson, boxing star of the 1950s
  • Ryan Starr, 24, Bergenfield, NJ - Pro skateboarder; same name as, but different gender than, an American Idol contestant who was on the inaugural season
  • Rob Van Winkle, 29, Las Vegas - Pro wrestler; real name of Vanilla Ice
However, casting so many people caused a problem: Since the house - and this season - have only 13 contestants each - three of them have to go home without ever entering the house.  How will that happen?  Read on for the summary of the first episode.


Host Shandi Finnessey welcomes the 16 contestants to Raleigh-Durham International Airport.  She announces that this season will take place on the Barefoot Family Farm, where they will help in the farm chores while the 13 permanent residents are in New Jerusalem for their big show.  At various times during their stay, they will compete in various challenges and be eliminated until one remains; the winner will then receive the equivalent retail value of select items in the family's "memory wall" (Patsy explains that the memory wall are the most prized possessions that the family members brought with them to Heaven).  Then she drops the hammer: Not all of those present will make it to the farm, or for that matter onto the original show cast!  "You need to pass one final audition first," Shandi warns.  Everyone is left guessing what that is as they are taken to a go-kart track in Cary, NC.  Here, Shandi unveils the item on the memory wall related to the challenge: the show car Buddy Wayne received for Christmas on the last episode of season 1 of Gone Barefoot.  (Its value is over $35,000, the first contribution to the eventual grand-prize jackpot.)

In this kart racing challenge, the contestants are placed in four heats of four each, two men and two women.  The winners of each heat will receive a die-cast car from its driver, Sprint Cup rookie Austin Dillon, while the last-place finishers go into one more heat, with only the winner moving on into the house.  Results follow:
  • Heat 1 - 1. Curtis; 2. Rob; 3. Alecia; 4. Patsy
  • Heat 2 - 1. Ryan; 2. Julie; 3. Keiji; 4. Sarah
  • Heat 3 - 1. Jamie; 2. Vicky; 3. Phil; 4. Maurice
  • Heat 4 - 1. Michael; 2. Aubrey; 3. Shannon; 4. Walker
In the last-chance heat, Maurice "channels his inner Lewis Hamilton" (in his words) to win the race and the last remaining spot on the official cast.  That sends both the oldest and youngest contestant (Patsy and Sarah, respectively), as well as Walker, home.


I'll post the next episode tomorrow, and the rest as soon as I can plot the season.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Cooter makes a confession

One never knows when inspiration will strike.

Recently, I began watching the new series Crowd Control on the National Geographic Channel.  This show, hosted by behavioral expert Daniel Pink, explores how human behavior can be manipulated.  One example that has aired uses plastic bags with embarrasing personal statements in an attempt to get supermarket shoppers to change from those bags to reusable ones.  This is an effort to save the environment and is being adopted by certain governments; in fact, California will ban them statewide as of mid-2015.

Of the several available statements, one caught my eye right away, and that's the one on the T-shirt Jesse Travis "Cooter" Barefoot (middle).  Cooter is a minor character in the Barefoot family; a third cousin of Buddy Wayne's, he is part of the cast of one of my character's spinoff TV series.  What the Buck? chronicles Hambone in her second job, which is as the owner and publicity director of Camp Paradise in Stricklands Crossroads, NC.  While Cooter and his three brothers teach hunting, fishing, and survival skills, Hambone answers the phones, arranges the group visits, and organizes activities after classes.



Like members of a boy band, each brother has special characteristics.  Bear is the brains of the operation, Lil' Jack is ambitious and headstrong, and Boo Boo is quiet and workmanlike.  Oh, and Cooter?  He's the comic relief, an illiterate daredevil who never takes himself seriously.  Just look at what he's wearing:

For what's on the shirt, I took a still from the episode I saw last Monday, then used another layer to isolate the word "BOOGERS" and change the color to black; this was followed by adding a stroke.  I placed it on a plain gray T-shirt.   Cooter's face was cut from the What the Buck? promotional material I made, then added the pants, arms, and legs from the sources I always use.  Finally, the background is the briar patch I picked up from an online forum picture.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

My book has changed again; Ralph "weighs in" on local controversy

I originally had no plans to post this weekend, but two things have come up that I want to bring to your attention:
  • The book has gone through yet another revision.  This time, the montage of Brenda and B.W. I created and mentioned last week is now included on page 17, one of the Down Home magazine covers has moved to page 29, and a duplicate picture of Belinda has been eliminated.  In addition, a caption of the Hambone montage with "BLOW ME a big, wet kiss" on page 54 has been changed to the following: "(Next page) It only looks dirty...until one reads the (very) fine print below."   The ordering information hasn't changed, though; just click on the cover on the page.
  • In my reading of The Daily Record (Dunn, NC), I came across an article about a girl from Angier - a town in Johnston County maybe 10 miles north of the farm - who complained about an act of censorship by the Walt Disney Company that attracted the attention of Fox News Channel, and also of self-professed language expert Ralph.  First, here's the article:

Angier Child Takes On Disney Over God
By TOM WOERNER
Of The Record Staff


An Angier girl found herself in the national spotlight this week after she says the Disney Channel discriminated against her because of her Christian faith.

Lilly Anderson, the 10-year-old daughter of Julie and Jeremy Anderson, was featured on the “Fox and Friends” program Tuesday morning after an encounter with the Disney Channel. Lilly responded to a question on the Disney website during the Thanksgiving holiday asking what she was thankful for.

She responded that she was thankful for “God, my family, my church and my friends.”

The only response Lilly got from the Disney site was an acceptance denial and the words “Please be nice!” which appeared in large red print when she attempted to submit her answer.

After consulting with her mother, Lilly realized that if the word God was left out of the answer it was immediately approved as a response.

Mrs. Anderson answered the question several times and each time God was mentioned the red lettered response appeared.

“We worked together and we were able to figure out that the word ‘God’ was the problem,” Mrs. Anderson said...

She does not understand Disney’s policies.

“My whole thing is if it is OK to be thankful for things, why does Disney think it is not OK to recognize where those things come from,” Mrs. Anderson said. “Lilly is smart enough to realize her things come from God, they do not come from Walmart.”

Mrs. Anderson was also not happy with the wording.

“It is a slap in the face to Christians when you refer to God ‘as not nice,’” Mrs. Anderson said. “It tells children it is wrong to share the love of God.”...

Disney released a statement on the issue saying the incident happened because of “filtering technology to prevent profanity from appearing on our websites. Unfortunately, because so many people attempt to abuse the system and use the word ‘God’ in conjunction with profanity, in an abundance of caution our system is forced to catch and prevent any use of the word on our websites.”

The statement then said the company “would have been happy to explain our filtering technology to the inquiring family had they contacted us.”


Ralph, the church pastor whose "it only looks dirty" T-shirt with alternate definitions of certain words and phrases also used in a sexual vein is pictured (I created the shirt on the CustomInk website, then brought it into Photoshop), would have weighed in with, "How Disney explained why Lily Anderson's thoughts could not be published is unfortunate.  It's sad that so many people take the name of God in vain, and that it has ended up offending a true family of faith."