Robertson clan helps me with "big picture"

On occasion, I have hinted at a "friendship" between the real Robertsons of West Monroe, LA and the fake Barefoots of Meadow, NC.  With the photo manipulation you are about to see, this relationship has been taken to a whole new level.

I have created a personal InDesign file which shows a "family reunion" which would have occurred after the return of Jesus Christ (but which I dated 2015, when this obviously did not happen).  Adobe allows me to publish it online, but my DSL connection, unfortunately, will not allow it.  So I have excerpted Buddy Wayne's welcome letter to the gathering, which is based on the biography of a real person named Miles Vinson Barefoot, who everyone called "Pink":

Other than God, family is the most important element of an individual’s life. Celebrating one’s ancestry can educate, motivate, and inspire current and future generations.
The Barefoot family motto is, “What was before, will one day be again.” In other words, no matter how much things change in the outside world, we have developed a system of core values that will always endure.
This event is the most tangible symbol of the love we have for one another. And there is no better place for it than on the land first settled by Miles Barefoot and his family, then passed down to his son “Pink” nearly 200 years ago. Over time, it became the place that he and so many others of his clan were buried.
Today, with Jesus Christ having returned to Earth and making all of us immortal celebrants of eternal life, Pink is back to welcome all of his descendants to his spot of destiny in Meadow township, North Carolina, U.S.A.
Enjoy all the days’ activities, and more importantly, enjoy each other’s company at this glorious reunion event!

I then published 10 sections of photographs and reports, representing each of the descent lines I imagined from them.  One of them is the John Noah clan, begotten from who would have been one of Pink's grandsons.  And along with that comes this photo, with captions for everyone pictured:

For this, I started by placing the Barefoots' heads on the Robertson's bodies - all 84 of them!  The original photo was taken in January 2014, at a get-together organized at the request of Mia Robertson, the daughter of Jase and Missy Robertson.  Then 11 years old, Mia was about to undergo her third surgery to correct the cleft lip and palate that she was born with.  The reunion, which included a special guest appearance by professional wrestler "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan, was filmed for Duck Dynasty and shown on Mar. 26, 2014.  Ideally, my version would have had the Barefoots wearing more comfortable clothes for a summer day, but I found that to be too much work to try to match the entire body profiles.

In addition, four more people - including Brandy and her dad, Daniel - were dropped into the montage to allow them to pose together, and a few others were added to fill in blank spots.

Not only is this a large-scale view of the immediate and distant relatives that Buddy Wayne has, it's also - if inadvertent - a fitting tribute to the Robertsons, as Duck Dynasty is in its last season on A&E; the final show will air in January 2017.

Latest Super Bowl survivor pool results (better late than never)

Last fall, I ran the third annual National Football League survivor pool among my characters, their friends, and real life people.  However, I have not released the results - until now.

Luke Muellerleile, a former "student-athlete" at Carleton University in Minnesota, won this year's contest, as the Minnesota Vikings outlasted all other teams through six weeks of competition.  Muellerleile won the pool on Oct. 16, when the Vikings were 5-0.  Now, the slumping team is 6-5 and out of playoff contention, but there's still time left to salvage their season.  Nonetheless, Muellerleile still wins the grand prize of a VIP trip for four to Super Bowl LI and associated pre-game events, courtesy of NFL On Location.

He outlasted first-timers such as talk show host Patrick MacLeamy and NASCAR wife Sherri Pollex, as well as veterans like Billie Barefoot, Brooke Liptrap and Josh LoMonico.

Here are the complete results:
Arizona - Billie Barefoot (3) Eliminated 9/11 (23-21, NE)
Atlanta - Rhett Jeffers (2) Eliminated 9/11 (31-24, TB)
Baltimore - Brooke Liptrap (3) --> Seattle --> BAL Eliminated 10/9 (16-10, WSH)
Buffalo - Jim Brinson (1) Eliminated 9/11 (13-7, BAL)
Carolina - Steve Post (1) Eliminated 9/8 (21-20, DEN)
Chicago - Patrick MacLeamy (1) Eliminated 9/11 (23-14, HOU)
Cincinnati - Brittany Raylene (3) Eliminated 9/18 (24-16, PIT)
Cleveland - Dustin Fox (2) Eliminated 9/11 (29-10, PHI)
Dallas - Billy Bob Ribble (3) Eliminated 9/12 (20-19, NYG)
Denver - Sherri Pollex (1) --> Carolina Eliminated 10/2 (38-21, ATL)
Detroit - Harvey Barefoot (2) Eliminated 9/25 (21-14, GB)
Green Bay - Katie Von Hinz (2) Eliminated 9/18 (17-14, MIN)
Houston - Bamm Bamm Plumpkin (2) Eliminated 9/22 (27-0, NE)
Indianapolis - Rita McBuddy (2) Eliminated 9/11 (39-35, DET)
Jacksonville - Barbie Blank (3) Eliminated 9/11 (27-23, GB)
Kansas City - Brendon Bump (1) Eliminated 9/18 (19-12, HOU)
Los Angeles - Blinky Blink (1) Eliminated 9/12 (28-0, SF)
Miami - Brittany Ramos (3) Eliminated 9/11 (12-10, SEA)
Minnesota - Luke Muellerleile (2) --> Washington --> MIN (season winner)
New England - Marc McBrien/Anthony Buttinelli (1) --> San Diego Eliminated 10/2 (35-34, NO)
New Orleans - Ricky Hooter (1) Eliminated 9/11 (35-34, OAK)
NY Giants - Ron Barnes (2) Eliminated 9/25 (29-27, WSH)
NY Jets - Jake Stubblebine (1) Eliminated 9/11 (23-22, CIN)
Oakland - Bobbington Brandt (2) Eliminated 9/18 (35-27, ATL)
Philadelphia - Bud Strickland (2) --> Arizona Eliminated 10/2 (17-13, LA)
Pittsburgh - Josh LoMonico (3) Eliminated 9/25 (34-3, PHI)
San Diego - Alecia A. Moore (1) Eliminated 9/11 (33-27, KC)
San Francisco - Ralph Ortiz (1) Eliminated 9/18 (46-29, CAR)
Seattle - Brian Warner (3) Eliminated 9/18 (9-3, LA)
Tampa Bay - Alonzo "Popeye" Barefoot (1) Eliminated 9/18 (40-7, AZ)
Tennessee - Lyndsey Rowley (1) Eliminated 9/11 (25-16, MIN)
Washington - Lyman Bowling, Jr. (1) Eliminated 9/12 (38-16, PIT)

Names in red are those of actual people.  Numbers in parentheses are the total number of contests for each contestant.

Busy week on Photoshop

I have played around with Adobe Photoshop a lot over the last week.  Here are three of the items I have completed.

First, I retrieved a photo of a North Carolina-based rock band called The Aviators, who performed at a recent festival in Harnett County.  Since they aren't well-known figures elsewhere, I simply placed the photo in a new file and re-identified them as members of betaBOOZEbrain.  I created them as a group with boy-band looks that record harder-edge rock music, so imagine if the Backstreet Boys had a playlist similar to Pearl Jam or KISS.  I imagined them as a four-piece band, but expanded it to a quintet by adding another guitarist, to match the setup of the actual band.  The name was borrowed from the 1989 game show Now You See It, which as I mentioned before is a favorite TV show of mine, and one I wish was more available in reruns.

Up next is a picture of British actress and singer Keisha Buchanan, who I have re-labeled with the coolest stage name I have ever imagined, and you'll see it below in the caption.  I have seen listings of people named Kimberley Wimberley in What's in a Name? Confessions of a Name-Dropper, a book by Paul Dickson, and of Kymberly Wimberly, a former valedictorian at a Mississippi high school, so I just re-spelled those.  "Shawnelle" actually came from a male basketball player who played in major college and the NBA, Shawnelle Scott.  As for "ButtaFly," it has two meanings: "butta" is African-American slang for someone who has a laidback demeanor, and "fly" refers to a sharp dresser, so envision the two concepts put together.  Also, a butterfly transforms from a cocoon, so it means Kimberly has grown personally and professionally.  My "ButtaFly" character is a spoken-word artist.

Finally, I have used head-and-body substitution to imagine Brittany Raylene (Buddy Wayne's wife) together with her mother Rebecca, grandmother Mildred, great-grandmother Ruth, and great-great-grandma Bertha.  Now, five living generations in one family is very rare, and that's almost certainly what such a picture would not really look like.  But, in the new Earth world I have created, anything is possible!  (The bodies are those of "characters" in the TLC reality TV series My Five Wives.)

Brandy and Bunky's new "spin-off series"

Those who have followed this blog over the years know that I have passed along some of my personality traits and passions to my character.  For example, I love to travel and explore new places, even if it's just by reading about them or watching TV.  The siblings Brandy and Bunky Barefoot (two of Buddy Wayne's first cousins) would feel the same way.

I have written that their love of travel would have gotten them on the CBS series The Amazing Race had they existed.  However, their run would have ended well short of the finish line.  Brandy and Bunky returned home with the resolve to create their own dream trip next time, one without the pressure of competition and possible elimination.  The changes in the world since the glorious appearance of Jesus Christ would provide more incentive for the siblings to travel the New Earth.

Of course, the whole thing would be documented and captured in a new TV series.  They chose the acronym R.O.A.M., Ramble On A Mission, for the name of their project.  The resulting show is called Brandy & Bunky: R.O.A.M.

Here is the detailed summary I wrote for the premiere episode, which would have aired on Sep. 11.  I will continue to run through the season in subsequent posts.

___________________________________________________________________________________

As the show begins, Brandy and Bunky prepare at home.  They pack all the food and clothing they'll need for the first part of the trip, plan out the stops along the way where they will get additional provisions, and study the stories of Marco Polo, Lewis & Clark, and others who explored the world using traditional methods.  Brandy and Bunky also inform their local church so the parishioners can pray for them, as led by their uncle Ralph.

Brandy also reveals that she has been cast for The History of Dance, a new live entertainment show to take place in the new Jerusalem.  It is a multi-act show produced by rapper/dancer Blinky Blink and her portion showcases ballroom dancing.  She is joined by Hylton Tripp, who she met at the local dancing school in Meadow; they have been together professionally for nearly a year.

On the day they leave, the siblings board a 80-foot-long boat, Pink's Ellie, designed and built by great-uncle Popeye and uncle Harvey (who is Popeye's son).  They take it down Oliver's Creek to the Black River, then to the Cape Fear River, eventually to the port of Wilmington, NC.  From there, it's a trip down what was once the Atlantic Ocean - now a series of smaller lakes and connected rivers - to the Caribbean land of Jamaica.  Specifically, Brandy and Bunky make a call at Port Royal.

Port Royal, once known as the bawdy headquarters for Caribbean pirates, was destroyed in an earthquake in 1720.  After Christ returned, Bertland McSween - a pastor and entertainer - found the old plans and convinced the Jamaican government to rebuild it as the centerpiece of post-Christian life in both the country and region.

McSween hosts a tour of the port and downtown.  He points out that Port Royal is now a thriving, multicultural city with four languages - English, French, Spanish, and Dutch - that are commonly spoken in the various neighborhoods.  McSween is especially proud to show off Blackbeard's Playhouse. 

It is where he conceived of Port Royal Review, the Caribbean entry in the King David International Festival - the same entertainment event at which Brandy and Bunky performed as part of Back Down Home.  On this night, the siblings enjoy two of the acts that were part of that review: R&B/reggae diva Zellie St. Brown1 and steel drum virtuoso Lewis Pipersburg.

The next day, McSween takes Brandy and Bunky to a sugar mill that was founded by British colonials but now run by descendants of the same slave labor brought in to work there.  The employee owners share their gratitude of being able to enjoy the results of their harvest.  One of the workers, Lucille, pointed out that economic deprivation is why - despite the natural paradise they grew up in - so many of them had to immigrate to other countries.  That evening, the siblings join the locals for jerk chicken dinner, followed a dessert of cake made from the local processed sugar.
1Short for "Battimamzelle," Old French word for dragonfly

Thanks for your patience!

I know, it's been two months since the last time I added a post to this blog.  I can explain this absence with a number of factors:

• I had to change computers twice in a 60-day period.  First, I replaced my seven-year-old Dell Inspiron with an Acer Aspire on Aug. 19.  Unfortunately, the Aspire had a serious power issue which caused the machine to shut down at random times.  After quite a few times of this, my mother and I agreed to return the computer to HSN to receive a full refund.  Then on Sep. 26, I bought a Dell Inspiron 15; except for a problem toggling between programs using the taskbar, there have been no significant issues since purchase.
• I had to re-install all my software and apps each time I replaced the computers.  That left me less time to start or restart new personal projects.
• With all that, I simply forgot about this blog!

That being said - since the story is set on the southern edge of Johnston County, NC - I must report that the lives of my characters were impacted by Hurricane Matthew, if for no reason except nearby roads and the one-room schoolhouse Bryson and Belinda attended were closed the week it hit.  The school would probably have re-opened this past Monday, one day before the county's public schools did. (This is because all the students live nearby and the school runs as a separate operation.) Otherwise, I can give no specifics, because the local newspaper that serves the area has provided no specific coverage of Meadow.  The chances, however, are that the power went out for at least the weekend after Matthew hit.  Then again, it may well have minimized the impact on the farm house, since it went off the grid about the time Gone Barefoot began taping.

I will end with a special reward for all of you: Remember Blondie - not the new wave band but the pianist I created as one of the label mates for Buddy Wayne Barefoot?  Here's a revised "publicity photo" of the versatile performer, who knows everything from Beethoven to Billy Joel.  (Please note that the bottom text was just to fill white space and all contact information is fictional.)

John & Jennifer Barefoot's "golden year"

As much as I love my "second family," I am excited to hear about things that happen to their real-life namesakes.  That's especially true for those who live in the tri-county area of Sampson, Johnston, and Harnett counties of North Carolina, the same as my characters.

Early this morning, I learned about this couple who now live in Dunn, the largest city in Harnett County.  They recently celebrated their 50th anniversary with a small and intimate but celebratory party.  Here are the details from The Daily Record:
______________________________________________________________________________

John Edward and Jennifer Joanne Barefoot of Dunn celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary Aug. 21. They were honored with a “We Still Do BBQ” Aug. 20 at the Benson Fire Department. The renewal of sacred vows was their golden anniversary gift to each other. The ceremony was performed by Steven Campbell of Beulah Baptist Church.

There were approximately 100 guests in attendance.

Hosts for the reception were Mr. and Mrs. Barefoot’s children: Sherry Barefoot (Patrick Brooks), Brian Barefoot (Crystal), Tony Barefoot (Heather) and Amy Moore (Jeff).

The venue was decorated in a rustic theme. Floral arrangements included cream hydrangea blooms, sunflowers and eucalyptus. A memory table displayed photographs of the couple throughout their 50 years together.

Music was provided by the Touch of Grey Band.

Guests printed their thumbprint and names on the couple’s anniversary thumbprint tree.

Mr. and Mrs. Barefoot’s grandchildren are: Seth Barefoot, Hansen Barefoot, Matthew Moore, Jacob Moore, John David Barefoot, Haley Barefoot and Dylan Honeycutt.

Their great-granddaughter is Lauren Grace Moore.

Guests were served barbecued pork and chicken, boiled potatoes, green beans, baked beans, cole slaw, dinner rolls, banana pudding and anniversary cake.

Mr. Barefoot is a native of Anderson Creek. Mrs. Barefoot is the former Jennifer Joanne Thomas of Lillington. They were married in 1966 in Dillon, S.C.

Harvey presents his ideal UFC card

Finally, I come around to part two of showing Harvey Barefoot's love for the Ultimate Fighting Championship.  When he was at UFC 200 in Las Vegas earlier this month, he spoke to fans and the media about how his own interest as a fan has grown, and about the current state of UFC.

He also wanted to honor the promotion's history by revealing what he thought the ideal pay-per-view card would look like.  It would have 12 matches - five on the main card and seven preliminary matches, split between Fox Sports 1 and the UFC Fight Pass streaming service.

Harvey first wanted to pit fighters from different eras against each other; however, he also had to take weight classes and gender into account, so some matches had to be set up under other criteria.

The card Harvey made is as follows:
Main card (pay-per-view)
Light-heavyweight: Chuck Liddell vs. Jon "Bones" Jones
Harvey thinks this is the equal of if Muhammad Ali took on Joe Louis in boxing.  These are two of the most important stars in UFC history and their primes are about a decade apart.  Liddell was involved in memorable matches against Tito Ortiz, Randy Couture, and Quinton "Rampage" Jackson among his seven PPV appearances.  Jones defended his light-heavyweight title five consecutive times and might still be champion today if not for legal problems and failed drug tests.
Heavyweight: Randy Couture vs. Brock Lesnar II
Couture was UFC champion as both heavyweight and light-heavyweight and crossed over to be a movie actor (The Expendables).  Lesnar, a champion in NCAA college wrestling and WWE as well as UFC, defeated Couture at UFC 91 in 2008 to win the heavyweight championship.
Bantamweight(women): Ronda Rousey vs. Cristiane "Cyborg" Justino
Rousey so impressed UFC president Dana White that the organization bought the Strikeforce promotion just to get her contract!  Rousey then was awarded the inaugural bantamweight title and defended it three times before she was upset by Holly Holm at UFC 193 in November 2015.  During her title reign, Rousey became the face of UFC and a symbol of women's empowerment.  Cyborg, who may well be the second-best female fighter today, made her UFC debut at UFC 198 in May 2016.
Middleweight: Anderson Silva vs. Michael Bisping
Bisping and Silva are first and second on the all-time list for most wins in UFC fights.  Despite Bisping's success, he was not given a title shot until UFC 199, when he defeated champion Luke Rockhold as an injury replacement.  Silva's career was derailed by drug use and a broken leg, but he did come back to face Daniel Cormier at UFC 200 on just two weeks notice (he lost).
Lightweight: B.J. Penn vs. Conor McGregor
McGregor, one of today's biggest superstars, holds the record for quickest victory in a title defense (he beat José Aldo in 13 seconds at UFC 194).  Penn was one of the promotion's biggest stars throughout the mid-2000s.
Undercard (Fox Sports 1)
Welterweight: Georges St.-Pierre vs. Matt Hughes III
St.-Pierre defeated Hughes at UFC 65, then again at UFC 79.  Hughes may have been the first fighter to write an autobiography, Made In America.
Light-heavyweight: Royce Gracie vs. Quinton "Rampage" Jackson
Gracie was UFC's first real star, having won two of the first three tournaments.  More importantly, he probably set the blueprint for what the sport of mixed martial arts is today.  Jackson, a champion in PRIDE, UFC, and Bellator, is best known for his wolf-like howl as he entered the ring and after each win.
Bantamweight: José Aldo vs. Dominick Cruz
Both Aldo and Cruz are former champions and mainstays on UFC pay-per-views over the last half-decade.
Strawweight(w): Tecia Torres vs. Carla Esparza II
This would be a rematch of the finale of The Ultimate Fighter in season 21, which Esparza won.  It's the only season in the franchise in which the tournament decided a champion; in this case, the first-ever UFC strawweight title.
Undercard (UFC Fight Pass)
Catchweight: Tito Ortiz vs. T.J. Dillashaw
Ortiz, one of the biggest stars ever as welterweight, takes on Dillashaw, a former featherweight champ, in another "battle of the ages."  Ortiz faced the likes of Liddell, Ken Shamrock, and Vitor Belfort, while Dillashaw was an alumnus of The Ultimate Fighter.
Heavyweight: Mark Coleman vs. Cain Velasquez
Coleman was the first UFC heavyweight champion, while Velasquez reigned as champion twice about 15 years after Coleman did.
Bantamweight(w): Miesha Tate vs. Bethe Correa
Tate and Correa are two of the best female fighters in UFC history.

Brittany gets a makeover!

As before, I've been sidetracked.

For some time, my plan was to return to character as Harvey and discuss more of the Ultimate Fighting Championship, specifically his favorite fighters, matches, and moments.  But then I realized I have not been a fan long enough to judge these things.  Heck, I've been watching a series of countdown shows just to find out who these fighters are!  All I can do is hope Harvey had a great time watching Saturday night's UFC 200 card in person in Las Vegas.  UFC president Dana White had to do all he could to salvage it after the main event between Daniel Cormier and Jon Jones was canceled when Jones was advised of a possible failed test for a performance-enhancing drug.

UFC 200 poster with canceled match

Final UFC 200 promotional poster

I did go back to Photoshop to carry out an easier task: change the hairstyle of Buddy Wayne Barefoot's wife Brittany Raylene.  Inspired by such sources as The Sound of Music and the Wendy's logo, her new hairdo now features pigtails on both sides.

For this, I placed the face of former NFL cheerleader Katie Klaasen (a/k/a Brittany) on top of a photo of an unidentified girl who lives in Harnett County, NC.  The pigtail on the left was selected and replaced to the right to adjust to how different Brittany's face is curved compared to that of the original girl.  Then, just for blanks and giggles, I used the text tool and rasterization to "embroider" Brittany's "real name" on the neck of the shirt the Harnett County girl wore.

What do you think of this?

Gone Barefoot summaries seasons 9 and 10 (revised)

Here are the episodes that would have aired so far in 2016.

Season 9
#66 - Jan. 10, 2016: "Battle of the Barefoot Stars"
In this 1970s-themed episode, the 11 oldest members of the house join 19 other distant relatives, divide into two teams (with Buddy Wayne and Hambone as captains), and stage a traditional field-day competition.  When teams are formed, Brandy and Bunky find themselves on opposite teams, which they agree is "totally awkward."  Contests include cotton-picking, speed plowing, and a briar patch maze relay race.  It all comes down - literally - to a mudball fight, at which B.W. shows his classical "hillbilly" side that he's been promising to show for years.  But in the end, it's not enough, as Hambone's team wins; B.W. has to wear a mule head for a whole day as a result.  Oh, and Hambone finally gets to blow something up - the trailer where Labell and Allene lived before they moved into the new house.
#67 - Jan. 17, 2016: "Company's Coming"
With field day over, B.W. announces his most ambitious plan yet: He has bought hundreds of acres of land on both sides of Barefoot Road and wants to move as many of the remaining descendants of John Noah Barefoot - 108 of them - into houses along the road as possible.  Up first, he announces, are Popeye's nine remaining brothers and sisters in a house between the farm house and the one Labell, Allene, and family moved into during season 4.  Harvey helps build the house, while Annie and Jennifer help with the decorations.  Meanwhile, Hambone establishes the boneyard ministry at her brother's Long Branch church.
#68 - Jan. 24, 2016: "It's Fair Game"
Several family members go to the North Carolina State Fair in Raleigh.  Buddy Wayne takes Ellie and Mildred, the farm's primary source of dairy products, for contest judging and demonstrations.  A case of bovine "stage fright" could cost Ellie in the show cow contest, while Mildred gains her own celebrity status.  But that's nothing compared to Miss Hambone, who is crowned "redneck queen" in front of the largest crowd in fair history.  Speaking of queens, former Miss Idealia Brandy watches the latest pageant on her smart phone from the fair; there, Rae'Janette Leak is crowned, making her the first African-American winner in the event's history.  Finally, Bunky plays "pied piper" as he continues his one-man band career and promotes his new album.
#69 - Jan. 31, 2016: "Ain't No Moonshine"
As part of the clan returns from Raleigh, B.W. sees a new use for all the briar corn he's harvested: Mash some of it up and mix with sugar to create what he bills as a non-alcoholic version of moonshine.  "It looks like booze, it tastes like booze, but it's not booze," he boasts.  However, when he gives it to Hambone to taste, she's not impressed: "This is a sad version of the real thing!"  B.W. is disappointed because he thought 'Bone had kicked the habit.  "I'll keep trying," he insists.  Also, the Barefoots accept a donation of a bush that produces a berry called mayhaw from the Robertsons, who are paying back the family after Hambone had visited them twice, once to tape Duck Dynasty and then a separate hunting trip.  Finally, the family tastes goat milk that Popeye had made during the cows' trip to Raleigh.
#70 - Feb. 14, 2016: "Special #1: Valentine's Day"
(There was no episode the previous week due to Super Bowl 50.)
In a roundtable discussion, the couples of the cast speak about how they met, the ups and downs of their relationships, and share video highlights that have not been seen before on the network.  The couples are: Buddy Wayne and Brittany Spears, Bobby Ray and Jennifer, Popeye and Annie, Brandy and Hylton Tripp, and "Cousin Beth" and Trey Johnson.  At the end of the show, Beth and Trey unveil their adopted son, Jordan.
#71 - Feb. 14, 2016: "Special #2: Super Bowl 50"
The brothers spend four days in San Francisco and Santa Clara, CA on a bucket-list trip.  On Friday, they start with radio interviews, then make it to NFL Experience for fun, games, and rivalry.  At the end of the 50th Mile, they go to Super Bowl City for a wonderful coincidence.  Saturday takes them to a winery in the Napa Valley, then on to the NFL Honors award show.  On Sunday, it's what they've all been waiting for: the 50th edition of the biggest sporting event in America.  B.W. the Broncos fan leaves happy; not so with Bobby Ray the Panthers fan as Denver wins 24-10.  Thanks to the collaboration of Brian Warner's crew, NFL Films, and GoPro (who provided Bobby with a point-of-view camera on game day), this show airs just one week after the game.
#72 - Feb. 21, 2016: "Great Day in Meadow"
When Harvey rejoined the Meadow Indians football team two years ago, it was near the bottom of the standings and hadn't won the conference championship in at least a decade.  Now, they take the field against the legendary quarterback Bud Strickland and Four Oaks, the dominant team in the area historically.  The outcome is shocking and historic: Not only do the Indians win, but Blake - the "quiet" brother of Brandy and Bunky - makes his own name by being the winning QB and putting up his best offensive numbers ever!  Meanwhile, the Barefoot Mommas' Club gets styling tips from the legendary Sarah Jane Brookshire at a nearby salon, Hambone and her friends attend a movie premiere of a movie starring Kate Lynn, and Belinda answers letters from other children from around the world.
#73 - Mar. 6, 2016: "That's Not My Name"
(There was no episode the previous week due to the 88th Academy Awards.)
Belinda calls the entire house in to witness an "emergency meeting" of all her dolls.  There, she discloses that "Little Jill Horner," her actress doll, is just a stage name and that her real name is Bunnatine Barbette Brumbleberry.  And that's not all: "Bunny" says she hates acting and got into it only because she wanted the money and fame that came with the job.  "In my heart, I want to stay home, work on my garden, and raise kids.  I am done with Hollywood!"  Buddy Wayne and Bobby Ray are moved by Belinda's story, because that's what their own lives are all about.   In addition, B.W. surprises a radio station's Christmas party with a performance, Annie looks for a dog at an adoption event hosted by her niece Melinda, and Bryson learns how to play basketball and joins the school team.
#74 - Mar. 13, 2016: "Patches In Our Hearts"
Annie models clothes at Randy Beasley's "clothing through the ages" fashion show, in an effort to mend fences with her original family after the "brawl game" incident (episode #51).  She gets a loud and supported reaction from the room, and Randy declares the matter closed and everyone forgiven.  "I am so happy for everyone's understanding," Annie beams.  In addition, most of the 13 attend a party to honor the adoption of Jordan by "cousin Beth" and her boyfriend, and Popeye expresses an interest in becoming a bodybuilder.

Season 10
The premiere is scheduled to take place on June 26.  It will be another episode (or two) of the rumspringa concept.

Gone Barefoot summaries seasons 7 and 8 (revised)

These are the episodes that would have aired in 2015.

Season 7
#49 - Jan. 4, 2015: "Back Home"
The Barefoots return home from their New Jerusalem show and find there is a lot to do to catch up, and plans to make for the future.  Buddy Wayne thanks participants on the latest season of BMN Superfan for helping out with the chores during their absence and congratulated Aubrey Graham for winning the contest; he also updates plans to bring the entire extended clan together in Meadow.  Braylor McPatter delivers several awards for Dixie Rising; "Best Overall Performance," "Best Command Performance" (turns out Jesus was watching after all), and "Best Breakout Act" for Hambone.  At the end of the show, a holler comes over from a few yards away; who could it be - and why?
#50 - Jan. 11, 2015: "Extreme Makeover Meadow Edition"
It turns out that the holler came from Popeye's brother Labell, and it was to tell everyone that he, his wife Allene, and their 20(!) children need a new house to replace two trailer parks at which they have lived.  Needless to day, the project is huge and they need as much help as possible to build it.  B.W. and Popeye immediately adjourn to discuss the plans for renovation.  Shortly after that, the clan attends Brandy's dance recital at Lena Peacock's school in Meadow; here we meet Hylton Tripp, a man in his mid-20s from Greenville and East Carolina University graduate with a clear down-home lifestyle away from the dance floor.
#51 - Jan. 18, 2015: "Brawl Game"
While visiting her parents' house, Annie is invited to look at old photographs of their relatives as athletes.  To her horror, one of the items placed in a scrapbook is a picture of Annie's mother wearing a basketball uniform with the word "BULL B**CHES."  She explains that the Beasley family had a team in a church league decades ago, but Annie is offended.  She takes the news back to the house, and B.W. organizes an all-star softball team - called the "Blackies" or black bears - to challenge the Beasleys.  Annie decides to cheer on Harvey and his teammates on the clan team, which causes a major argument in the stands before the game.  During it, the benches clear after fast-pitch ace Juanita Beasley hits Harvey with a pitch.  However, just two innings later, he gets his revenge with a game-tying home run.  Still down two in the last inning, Robert (grandson of distant relative "Rack") has a single and RBI to tie the score.  Beth then comes up and hits a fly ball dropped by a nephew of Annie.  Two runs score and the Blackies win!
#52 - Jan. 25, 2015: "The Makeover Begins"
Work on Labell's family's new dwelling begins.  Popeye and Harvey waste no time in planning and building the entire project and dozens of family and friends jump on board in the Southern equivalent of a "barn raising."  Hambone, ever the tomboy, joins the crew that's otherwise all-male.  Meanwhile, Bryson makes his debut playing for the school's flag football team, and Pink and his wife Elinor show off all eight of their children, contrasting their daily lives with those of subsequent generations.
#53 - Feb. 8, 2015: "Move That Bus!"
(There was no episode the previous week due to Super Bowl XLIX.)
Labell's new dwelling is finally ready!  There is a huge celebration that brings the extended Barefoot family together again.  B.W. sings and plays guitar, Hambone does an original performance called "Carolina Slappin'," Hambone's friend Bellamy Wood sings a country hit song, teacher Noah Barefoot reads poetry, and cousin Beth serves a huge cake.  "This is better than I ever could have imagined," marvels Labell.  (The entire episode is done as a tribute to Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, which aired on ABC from 2003 to 2012; the episode title has to do with how the finished projects were revealed.)
#54 - Feb. 15, 2015: "Meet Our Hidden Families"
Ralph, Harvey, and Hambone reveal that they were husbands and parents in their previous lives, and make trips to see them.  Ralph goes to the Batten Farm in Selma to see his wife, Ellender, and their three teenage children.  He recounts his ministry trips around the world and teaches the Batten children how to farm using the traditional methods he learned overseas and at home.  Harvey, who was a husband, father, and grandfather, sees his wife Rena Stephenson and other relatives at their home in Elevation.  Finally, Hambone shares the heartbreak of giving up on having a family after a miscarriage and a stillbirth; when doctors couldn't figure why they occurred, she gave up on having a family of her own.  Instead, she threw herself into her work, and spent the last 18 years before the Rapture working for Johnston County Public Schools.  There is also footage of the ceremony a few years back at which she received her GED (high-school equivalency degree).
#55 - Mar. 1, 2015: "The World Is Waiting"
(There was no episode the previous week due to the 87th Academy Awards.)
Brandy and Bunky get the good news: They've been cast for The Amazing Race, CBS' long-standing reality TV series!  As they pack up for the start of the season, Ralph holds a special service to pray for their well-being as they travel and compete.  Brandy admits to high expectations for the team: "If we don't win this season, we'll call it a failure."  But the rest of the clan is not to be outdone: Jennifer begins work on the second book in the Ella Littlebridge series, Hambone turns Halloween into a friends' night out, and Bryson scores his first touchdown in flag football.
#56 - Mar. 8, 2015: "Broken 'Bone"
B.W. orders the entire clan to come together for an emergency meeting.  He reveals that Hambone has accumulated too many unexcused absences from the farm over the last several months, and has forgotten to glorify God in her work.  As a result, he announces, Hambone is no longer part of the Barefoot Family Farm and is being told to leave immediately.  The entire house is stunned, then 'Bone thanks everyone for the time she has spent at the farm and leads a prayer for the remaining 12.  B.W. invites her to return at any time for non-work purposes. Before then, the Barefoot Boys have their first full performance at a church revival in nearby Bentonville, while the entire Barefoot Mommas' Club - 24 strong! - have a meeting and photo shoot.
Season 8
#57 - Jul. 5, 2015: "One Wrong Turn"
The family members leave the farm temporarily to go on their version of the Amish rumspringa - in which they leave the farm to participate in modern activities.  Harvey makes his debut as a mixed martial arts performer at Smithfield-Selma High School. Brenda participates in the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus at PNC Arena in Raleigh, but first attends "clown college" in Florida.  Bobby Ray, Jennifer, and Belinda are in New York City to see the memorial to the victims of the September 11 attacks.  Finally, Brandy and Bunky's dream appearance on The Amazing Race comes to an end when they are eliminated after five legs of the 11 that were run.  It doesn't help that another team U-turns them, forcing them to complete both detours.
#58 - Jul. 12, 2015: "Stockings and Lumps of Coal"
Buddy Wayne goes on a "grand Christmas tour" with his wife Brittany Spears and their daughter Lizzie.  They go ice-skating at Rockefeller Center in New York; see a Christkindlmarkt in the Bavarian Alps, and visit the traditional birthplace of Jesus Christ in Bethlehem.  During the trip, Popeye takes over the farm with the help of some of his siblings and cousins; they take over the annual Xmas celebration with the McLamb Madrigals and "Santa" (Popeye himself).  Also, Hambone goes on a national tour, with two fellow body-percussion artists, that had already been scheduled.  Once she returns, she cries while looking back at the place she no longer works at.
#59 - Jul. 19, 2015: "Saved by the Bell"
Hambone returns to Camp Paradise, where owner Bud Strickland welcomes her back in.  She throws herself more into her work at the camp, which includes the first pay-per-view card of her United Championship Wrestling promotion.  It's a night of incredible matches, climaxing with a once-in-a-lifetime finish to the main event match - Leaping Lanny beats One Man Gang after a belly flop from near the roof of the arena!  Also, the spring planting season begins and Annie introduces pawpaw trees, which are said to produce fruit much like bananas.  Finally, Belinda makes a Little Jill Horner doll that visits the dollhouse for "acting lessons."
#60 - Jul. 26, 2015: "We Are the Good Pirates"
As a reward for the students at the Overshot school, including Bryson and Belinda, at the end of the year, Popeye organizes a cruise of Rose Pond and a mock pirate attack.  The unsuspecting victims are actually Kate Lynn (a fourth cousin of some of the residents) and other professional actors.  After the "invasion," LaRayne McLamb (another fourth cousin) performs for the children at a nearby house.  Meanwhile, B.W., Belinda, Bryson and Amy (cousin of B.W. and Bryson's school crush) go to Bentonville to visit a petting zoo and watch pig races; while B.W. is out, Hambone has the idea of blowing up the car he got for Christmas at the end of season 1, as revenge for being fired from the farm; she says it's just "redneck logic."
#61 - Aug. 2, 2015: "Fame and Fortune"
Hambone is lured back into the house to join the others as a surprise announcement takes place: Buddy Wayne has been given a special induction into the NASCAR Hall of Fame!  The next day, they accept congratulations while they play at the Bud Strickland Golf Classic at the Country Club of Smithfield.  The brothers, as expected, have generally a rough go in their debuts as golfers, but Dennis Herring (an uncle) carries the team in the event. The Barefoot Mommas' Club's latest party celebrates the height of British power in the Victorian age of the late-19th century.  Finally, Ralph lives out his fantasy as the superhero "Buck Hunter" in a photo shoot.
#62 - Aug. 9, 2015: "Fouled Out?"
Buddy gets shocking news: He has been ruled ineligible for the Meadow-area basketball team, for which he had just agreed to be a full-time player and assistant coach.  It's based on him having grown up in Benson; the county's director of athletics declares he can only play for that team.  Now, his entire career depends on his appeal to the director and the rest of the board.  Also, Popeye reveals his portrait of John Noah, the nearest common ancestor of most of the residents of the Barefoot Family Farm; and his wife Annie unveils plans for the second Ella Nellie Bell Littlebridge novel.  At the end of the show, Hambone shows video of her stealing B.W.'s car and announcing that the explosion will take place live at a bonfire barbeque in two weeks.
#63 - Aug. 16, 2015: "Countdown to Blowdown"
Planning for the bonfire barbeque starts in earnest, as Hambone and his family and friends send invitations to those from the extended clan, cast members from other BMN shows, and some other fans.  Hambone takes a break from planning to accept an honor from the Carolina Mudcats minor-league baseball team, for which she worked as an usher many years ago.  Meanwhile, Belinda is named "Student of the Year" among all one-room schoolhouse students in Johnston County.
#64 - Aug. 23, 2015: "Bonfire BBQ Live/You're Re-Hired!"
For the first time, there is a live episode, taking place at the Mingo Mud Bog in Sampson County.  As guests enjoy a barbeque dinner, the Barefoot Boys, LaRayne McLamb, and Brother Love & Peggy Sue perform, and a history of the car is presented.  That was supposed to be followed by the detonation of the show car B.W. received for Christmas.  Instead, B.W. orders a halt, apologizes for his earlier decision, and effectively re-hires Hambone with a generous work contract.  She will have four months off for outreach followup and special shows around the world, and in addition she will have her own guest room to which she can invite younger family members and her friends.  The only condition: "You still have to clean the poop and milk Mildred every day," B.W. insists.  Of course, Hambone accepts the offer right away, and the show ends.
#65 - Aug. 30, 2015: "Goin' Big"
Highlights of all the family's special events so far are presented with new commentary from the farm residents.  They include holiday celebrations, B.W.'s vow renewal ceremony, the New Jerusalem show, and the near-explosion of the Christmas car.

Gone Barefoot summaries seasons 5 and 6 (revised)

These are the episodes that would have aired in 2014.

Season 5
#33 - Jan. 5, 2014: "Bad Bone, Good Girls" (2 hours)
The cliffhanger surrounding Hambone's whereabouts early in the morning of the family reunion is resolved.  It is revealed that she slipped out of the all-ages formal dance without telling anyone else, took off her formal clothes, slipped into redneck gear, and spent the rest of the night with the Camp Paradise cousins in a pine forest behind the property.  After seeing her with bloodshot eyes, B.W. gives her a verbal warning against any further action in the future.  Also on the show, Brandy ends her reign as Miss Idealia and watches Megan Turnipseed (former BMN Superfan contestant) win the crown; the show also honors Tonya McBrookins, a black woman from Louisiana who was allowed to enter the pageant in the 1960s, despite the rampant discrimination in the South at the time; she made the live finale only to be pulled under immense pressure from the region's political and business leaders.
#34 - Jan. 12, 2014: "Beautiful Barefoot Day"
B.W. explains the origin of the Barefoot last name and why going barefoot at all times is important to the family.  Meanwhile, the family overcomes the summer heat by holding a "beach party" on the pond, complete with belly flops, swimming, and playing in the mud.  At night, the family gathers at Bryson's treehouse for the unveiling of the poster that depicts the made-up movie Showdown at Las Positas.  In the “film,” Bryson plays the world’s youngest Western-style sheriff, who protects a town in the southwestern United States from outlaws.  A red carpet leads to the treehouse, which is decorated with all kinds of Western stuff.  Beth, a cousin of B.W.’s and expert baker, delivers a cake to share at the end of the meal, and B.W. and Popeye sing songs typical of those in period serials. 
#35 - Jan. 19, 2014: "Meadow Night Lights"
The new stadium at Meadow School hosts its first game, as the Meadow Indians alumni team takes on the Coats Yellowjackets.  The stadium is named for the Barefoot family, which donates $2 million to the county for construction costs.  Harvey makes his return to football playing for Meadow, while Hambone and Beth are on the sidelines as cheerleaders.  With time running out, "Lil' Jack," one of the third cousins who help out at Camp Paradise, intercepts a pass to seal the 27-24 win for the Indians.  The "halftime show" is an update on ceremony preparations.
#36 - Jan. 26, 2014: "Welcome to the Show!"
A letter delivered by Braylor McPatter, the local carrier, has exciting news for everyone: The Barefoots have been chosen to perform at a world's fair celebrating the ascension of Jesus Christ to his throne in the new Jerusalem!  In the shows, everyone expresses their love for their Lord and Savior in different ways.  B.W. goes to work picking a title for the family's variety show, "Dixie Rising," and a general theme celebrating life in the rural Southern United States.  Also, Brian Warner, director of this program, travels to the World Showcase portion of Epcot, part of the Walt Disney World Resort in Florida, to tour a real world's fair similar to the one the Barefoots will visit.
#37 - Mar. 9, 2014: "Life With Popeye"
(This show followed a five-week suspension due to Super Bowl XLVIII, the 2014 Winter Olympics, and the 86th Academy Awards.)
Buddy Wayne spends a day with Popeye and all 10 of his brothers and sisters at their home on state highway 50, about three miles from the farm.  They help with chores around the house and at the backyard farm, have dinner together, tell stories, and sing.  Some of them also agree to help on B.W.'s farm site during events such as the upcoming world's fair show, of which they react with great excitement. Speaking of the show, B.W. has "writer's block" relating to the program; he has several parts of the show for which he has to give roles to family members and has no idea where to begin.  Also, Bunky explains and exhibits one of his favorite passions, called either parkour or freerunning.
#38 - Mar. 16, 2014: "Re-Generation"
Bunky, Hambone, and Brandy join dozens of cousins, aunts and uncles at the John Noah Youth Jam, a spin-off "family reunion" with separate events, one for school-aged children and another for teenagers and young adults.  While those of school age hang around the mud pit and treehouse and come home early, the older attendees play cornhole, volleyball, and other party games at a slumber party highlighted by a "lip rock" performance by a group called the Honey Bees, which includes Hambone and five friends.  (A "lip rock" is one in which a large group of performers mouth the words to a popular song with elaborate choreography.)  The show also features businesses owned by two of the attendees and distant relatives of B.W.: cousin Beth's bakery and aunt Ola's photography shop.  Finally, the official invitation to the Spears-Barefoot "re-wedding" is revealed.
#39 - Mar. 23, 2014: "You Can Hear the Bells"
Preparations for the renewal of vows are in full swing.  On the groom's side, the usual bachelor party is replaced by a church service and Southern gospel performance.  Meanwhile, the Spears family holds a bridal shower with traditional music, games, and stories of the Ulster-Scot Appalachians before the attendees start the 430-mile trip to North Carolina via traditional methods.  The bride, groom, bridesmaids, and groomsmen all have their clothes handmade, mostly by Brenda and Annie.
#40 - Mar. 30, 2014: "The Circle Is Unbroken"
After five years together and four as a married couple, Buddy Wayne and Brittany Raylene renew their vows and hold the formal ceremony they have always wanted.  Their daughter Lizzie serves as the ring girl, Ralph brings the two back into marriage, and Hambone acts up again, pretending to object to the wedding then saying that she was just kidding.  At the reception, the first dance occurs to the music of their hit song "When the Bough Breaks."  The farm house hosts the wedding, while Long Branch hosts the reception.
Season 6
#41 - Jul. 6, 2014: "Many Happy Returns"
After their second wedding on the North Carolina farm, Buddy Wayne and Brittany travel to the Caribbean Sea for their honeymoon.  Starting out in Miami, the itinerary includes the Virgin Islands, Dominica, Grenada, Bonaire and Aruba, as well as a private island.  At the end of the 11-day trip, B.W. tells Brittany about the variety show he's putting together; she agrees to be part of the show and even write an original song to be performed at the end.  The show features a tour of Port Royal, the former "Sin City" of the Caribbean finally rebuilt in the Millennium, and special performances of local music.
#42 - Jul. 13, 2014: "Big Bucks, Double Whammy"
Buddy Wayne, Hambone, Popeye, Ralph, Harvey, and Bobby Ray join nine others in the extended family for Camp Paradise's largest hunting trip ever.  After a day trying to pin down bucks and other woodland creatures, it's time for a huge party around the fire, centered on "bonfire barbecue" and beer.  Hambone tries to make B.W. and Ralph drink, which make them both uncomfortable.  Everyone stays overnight, and then B.W. tries his hand at driving through the mud bog the next day.  An afternoon of swimming and belly flops ends the second day.
#43 - Jul. 20, 2014: "Glory Days"
Buddy Wayne was a point guard in basketball while attending high school, and on this episode he returns to the court.  In this game, Meadow takes on the Four Oaks Cardinals; among the opposing team's players is Harold "Bud" Strickland, perhaps the greatest athlete in the history of Johnston County.  Strickland, it turns out, is a distant relative: one of B.W.'s aunts is married to one of Bud's sons.  Oh, and he's also Hambone's boss at Camp Paradise!  Also, Belinda aces the final exams at the Overshot School and receives a special award from Noah, while Bryson and the Rotten Rascals scatter the trees with toilet paper to mark the last day.
#44 - Jul. 27, 2014: "This Will Be Big"
B.W. receives information about New Jerusalem, the world's fair site, and the shows.  When told that the city is 1,400 miles long, wide, and high - as described in Revelation 22 - Hambone exclaims, "This will be big!"   Unfortunately, just as big is the problem she has with her mother, Annie, who she accuses of abandoning in favor of Brandy.  Annie responds that Brandy asked her to help with Miss Idealia, and that this took up a lot of time.  Besides, she adds, "Anytime you need me, I'm right here."  The two settle their differences over a relaxing mud bath.  Also on the show: B.W. and Bud Strickland are among the first inductees into the Johnston County Sports Hall of Fame, and Brenda earns a spot in a cookbook created by home cooks from throughout the South.
#45 - Aug. 3, 2014: "View to a Real Talk"
One of the "shooting the breeze" segments unwittingly turns into a parody of daytime television's all-female talk shows.  Brenda, Annie, Jennifer, and Brandy dish on what they loved and hated about their past lives, as well as why things are so much better now.  Belinda also stops by to show off her dollhouse to the mothers' club.  In addition: B.W. speaks by secret cell phone to Brittany Raylene to update the song they're co-writing, and B.W.'s cousin Kim Strickland sings "Belly Rubbin'" on an open-mike night in Nashville.  (Brittany and Kim are roommates in the "Music City.")
#46 - Aug. 10, 2014: "The Show is Revealed"
Buddy Wayne reveals the final rundown for Dixie Rising and everyone seems to like the roles they have been given.  However, he warns them that experience will be unlike anything they have done before, and that he's heard that Jesus Himself might be in the audience.  "No pressure, huh?" Brandy asks sarcastically.  Speaking of Brandy, her brother Bunky is having a hard time finding the right music for his one-man band performance and fears he'll run out of time; and Hambone informs the four brothers/third cousins about her trip to the New Jerusalem and finalizes plans to turn the place over to them in her absence.  Finally, Popeye creates - and solves - his own crossword puzzle.
#47 - Aug. 17, 2014: "Won't You Be My Redneck?"
In the last episode before the trip to New Jerusalem, B.W. finalizes all the arrangements for travel, hotel, rehearsal schedules, and even free time before the show.  At the end of the planning session, B.W. has a surprise announcement: Ralph has been named Hambone's chaperone, citing Hambone's propensity for running off and the need to keep to a very tight schedule once they arrive.  Ralph readily agrees, but his sister is absolutely incensed; she wonders why she is being singled out for what she sees as unfair punishment.  After some time of back-and-forth bantering, Hambone lets out an impression of the children's TV host Fred Rogers that becomes the title of this episode.  In the end, it's time for the clan to board an airplane - most for the first time ever - as it takes off from Raleigh/Durham International Airport.
#48 - Aug. 24, 2014: "Dixie Rising"
First hour: The Barefoot family arrives in New Jerusalem and finds their hotel room.  There, a welcome reception takes place and they meet the other performers from around the world.  One of them catches Ralph's eye!  The next day, it's on to the 7,000-seat All-American Theater where the show will take place, and needless to say, everyone is awestruck!  A full rehearsal takes place, and the clan meets the backup singers, dancers, actors, and others that have come to enhance the show.  After it's over, there's a free night.  Most of them go to Matt's Boardwalk, which has arcade games, bowling, and racing karts.  But Hambone has to stay behind with Ralph, which leaves her sighing, "I'm bored!" in a memorable scene.  Everyone does come together for the rehearsal dinner, which introduces us to the "Jack Attack," an ice-cream cake with "boogers" and "snot" (relax, actually malted milk balls and caramel, respectively).
Second hour: The clan arrives for their big moment, nervous as all out, especially Hambone; she thinks the show is the only way she can garner the attention she thinks she deserves.  What's worse, her costumes don't arrive until just before the show starts.  Blondie, the session pianist, also gets there just in the nick of time.  But everything is in place, the lights go down, and the show begins: the women read from Proverbs 31, Bunky turns into a one-man band, Hambone gets down to a classic country song, and B.W. and Brittany Spears debut a new blues/bluegrass/Nashville hybrid song, "Down Home."  After the show, it's back to the hotel and then the airport for the trip home.

Gone Barefoot summaries seasons 3 and 4 (revised)

Here are the episodes that would have aired in 2013.

Season 3
#17 - Jan. 6, 2013: "There She Is!"
Brandy enters the Miss Idealia pageant as part of the Confederate Fall Festival.  Her immediate family (Bunky, parents Daniel and Laurie, and brother Blake), and also her coach Annie, travel to Stone Mountain, GA to watch her compete against representatives of other Southern farm families.  They meet CSA president Lyman Bowling Jr. and his family at the Idealia mansion at which they live, participate in the Harvest Parade, then go into the high-stakes contest.  Brandy wears a one-piece swimsuit despite great reluctance, rocks a homemade gown, and shows off her ballroom dancing skills.  In the end, it all comes down to a very tense moment on stage.  B.W. also reads pen-pal letters from two of the judges, Lulabettie "Lulu" Plumpkin and Billy Bob Ribble.
#18 - Jan. 13, 2013: "School Daze"
Belinda and Bryson are transferred from the Meadow School to the new family-based Overshot School, a one-room facility located on Meadowbrook Road.  Buddy Wayne drops him off on the first day, and learns more from teacher/uncle Noah and his wife Elma.  (By the way, all 21 students are related to him: his brother, his niece, 11 cousins, and eight aunts and uncles.)  Also, Popeye discovers the dice game called bunco and finds he's very good at it, and Hambone is promoted at Camp Paradise to receptionist and events coordinator.
#19 - Jan. 20, 2013: "More Big Doings"
Brandy returns from winning the Miss Idealia contest and is honored by the Meadow township council.  However, there's no time to celebrate, as she immediately enrolls in Lena Peacock's ballroom dancing school just north of the Peacocks Crossroads junction of state routes 50 and 96.  Also, B.W. nails down the farm as the site of vow renewal and Long Branch Church as the reception site.  Finally, Annie puts the finishing touches on her new book and prepares for a tour to promote it.
#20 - Jan. 27, 2013: "Hunting History"
For the first time, a woman is invited to what had been an all-male ritual: the daylong social hunting event.  Hambone is rewarded for both her earlier effort in the skeet shooting challenge and her interest in the "redneck" lifestyle by tagging along with Ralph, Harvey, and Bobby Ray to go after whitetail deer and "roadkill" animals (e.g. squirrel and possum).  Also, Popeye's brother Labell visits the house with his wife Allene and all 20(!) of their children.  Finally, B.W. and Brenda consent to have a specialist assess Bryson's educational development; they are concerned about delays due to his being reborn as a seven-year-old after he had earlier died in infancy.
#21 - Feb. 10, 2013: "Milestone Day"
(There was no episode the previous week due to Super Bowl XLVII.)
Family and friends gather to celebrate the debut of Jennifer's new book, Black Crow in the Window.   As she promised, it combines elements of history, detective drama, and romance.  The case takes place in early 20th century New Orleans; Ella Littlebridge tries to find a local version of Jack the Ripper in the notorious Storyville section as jazz is being created and falls in love with Beau Brummell Young, a handsome mulatto.  Also, the results of Bryson's assessment are in; it is recommended that Bryson drop out of regular school for more instruction at home until he reaches appropriate grade levels.  Finally, Brenda is the special guest speaker at a church the Raynors (her side of the family) has attended for generations.
#22 - Feb. 17, 2013: "The Crafty Life"
The Barefoots prepare the house for winter by canning fruits and vegetables that they have gleaned from the farm and the briar patch and making quilts, blankets, and even socks and other footwear (in case being barefoot becomes uncomfortable).  Meanwhile, work begins on designing the treehouse for Bryson, as B.W. and Bryson tell Harvey their design ideas, and the moms assemble Thanksgiving and Christmas crafts.
#23 - Feb. 24, 2013: "The Roots of Man"
To commemorate the start of hunting season, B.W., Popeye, Ralph, and Bobby Ray spend a weekend replicating the hunting and gathering lifestyle that dates back to the beginning of humanity.  They even dress up in loincloths and wear animal bones; Ralph quips that "the only things we didn't see were dinosaurs."  Also, Bryson is re-tested and this time he is allowed to join the other students at Noah's school; and Bunky is taught the "Southern accent" by Hambone and Annie.
#24 - Mar. 3, 2013: "Brittany and Buddy: A Love Story" (2 hours)
Here, we meet Brittany Spears, B.W.'s wife and fellow singer. (For professional reasons, she records as Brittany Raylene.) She tells her life story about growing up in rural Kentucky with a family of bluegrass performers, how she met B.W., and how they had to elope due to both family's disapproval (the Barefoots due to Buddy's earlier divorce, and the Spears' due to her age).  Now living with their separate clans, the two reunite in North Carolina for Thanksgiving.  By the end of the show, they agree to renew their wedding vows because, as Brittany says, "we all would like the chance to get it right."
Season 4
#25 - Jul. 7, 2013: "Reign on Me"
Brandy performs the usual duties of a reigning beauty queen and keeps a diary along the way.  Among the events she attends are the opening of a new communal farm house at the site of a former military base in Georgia, the World Cotton Picking Championship in Mississippi, and the famed hollering contest in Spivey's Corner (not far from the family farm).  Among the contest entries is James Minson Barefoot, a fourth cousin of hers.  "It's crazy, I just can't get rid of that name," notes Brandy.
#26 - Jul. 14, 2013: "Dream House"
The treehouse project has been completed and Bryson excitedly moves in.  The house contains two chairs, a small bed, a workbench, and large spaces for play.  On opening day, Noah invites all the kids who attend the one-room schoolhouse to Bryson's new home.  Before too long, Belinda moves in with her dolls and Popeye launches a TV show from there.  In addition, B.W. ends the season as player/coach on the Meadow Indians basketball team.  Finally, Brenda shares her recipe for barbeque ribs with "all-in-one" sauce.
#27 - Jul. 21, 2013: "Superfan Winner"
Brittany Ramos, winner of BMN Superfan, spends five days in the family home, participating in various tasks, activities, and events.  This hour chronicles the week and gives details of season 2 of the reality TV competition.
#28 - Jul. 28, 2013: "Paradise Princess"
When Hambone continues to spend more and more time away from the rest of "the 13," Buddy confronts him during what was a routine talk session to ask why.  She discloses that Bud Strickland - owner of the property - has given her what amounts to a chief executive job at Camp Paradise.  She answers telephones, pre-screens visitors, and arranges special events.  The four Barefoot third cousins, 'Bone adds, continue to teach courses.  "Let's make sure this is all in your spare time," B.W. advises.  Also on the show, Annie finds a professional purpose for the mud pit and Bunky celebrates his birthday.
#29 - Aug. 4, 2013: "Bi Jove!"
Billy Bob and Krista Ribble come in all the way from Texas with a gift for the family: a "bi-horn," which is a hybrid creature combining a bison (commonly mislabeled as buffalo) and Longhorn steer.  The Ribbles have been pen pals of B.W. for some months.  In addition, Harvey helps in the rebuilding of the football stadium on the site of the former Meadow School and the mothers attend a baby shower for cousin Beth and their boyfriend to celebrate the birth of their son.
#30 - Aug. 11, 2013: "Beulah's Place"
B.W. and Popeye take a trip to the location in Meadow that was the site of Beulah Mae Morgan's orphanage; her service and generosity inspired one of B.W.'s hit songs, "The Ballad of Beulah Mae."  (Beulah Mae Morgan was a first cousin of B.W.'s great-grandfather John Noah.)  This show also has a Barefoot Moms' Club themed party, remembering the age of the "flappers" in the 1920s, and Bobby Ray talks about how he deals with working in a slaughterhouse.
#31 - Aug. 18, 2013: "It's Revival Time"
Ralph participates in a week-long special event simulating the church revivals that were common in rural areas in the previous human period.  He speaks to hundreds of people at the Mill Creek Church in Bentonville.  Also on the show, Bryson takes on Belinda in a fruit-picking contest, Harvey begins training for mixed martial arts, and Brittany Spears provides a video update about her daughter Lizzie.
#32 - Aug. 25, 2013: "The Pink Party" (2-hour episode)
The Barefoot-Johnston County Family Reunion, the official name of the "Pink Party," takes place at the old Barefoot Cemetery site on Eldridge Road in Dunn.  The first hour chronicles the incredible transformation of the 30-acre site to the location of one of the biggest single-family events in the state of North Carolina.  Days in advance, food is prepared, a dozen seating benches are set up around a huge tent, the main dining room becomes a formal ballroom and banquet room, and even the remaining farmland is turned into a simulation of a late-19th century fairground.  The second hour is a parade of characters and a beehive of activity that starts in the morning and goes well into the night.  Popeye upsets the ladies at bunco, two meals - an informal lunch and a formal dinner - are served, some of your favorite characters show their talents, and everyone dances the night away.  And somehow, the cleanup was completed in time for church services the next morning.  But - where did Hambone go? (To be continued.)

Gone Barefoot summaries seasons 1 and 2 (revised)

This week, I went back into my personal WordPad file to review the episode summaries I have written before and to prepare the upcoming "season," which would start this coming Sunday if this program had existed.  What I did was attached numbers to each episode and re-organize the seasons - again!

So indeed of seasons 1-5, I have split them up back to two "seasons" per calendar year; therefore, including the upcoming season, there would be 10 in all.

Rather than try to edit the original posts I made in 2013 and '14, I'll simply put them back up here, with a new title.  So here's a reminder of the 16 episodes that would have aired in 2012.


Season 1
#1 - Jan. 1, 2012: "Meet the Family" (2-hour premiere)
Buddy Wayne Barefoot is raptured into Heaven and goes through the Great Tribulation and Millennium periods.  Once that occurs, he is welcomed to his new home in rural North Carolina by guardian angel Mary Elizabeth "Biddy" McBiddlewhiskers.  B.W. is then introduced to his new eternal family.  In all, 11 people are introduced, but Biddy teases that there's someone else he wants B.W. to meet.  After the usual televised tension, the 13th family member is revealed to be Bryson, B.W.'s stillborn brother, prompting one of the most famous lines in reality TV history: "My Bryson is back!"  A welcome feast and prayer session ends the episode.
#2 - Jan. 8, 2012: "It's Our House"
A tour of the new house is shown, emphasizing the features that make it a traditional rural American house.  Among other things, there is no electricity, running water, or indoor plumbing.  However, a home irrigation system is installed.  We also find that sleep can be uncomfortable in the Barefoot household, as six bedrooms are somehow crammed into a small space and Hambone has to sleep in the barn due to being the odd person out.
#3 - Jan. 15, 2012: "It's Planting Time"
B.W. hand-sows the ceremonial first seeds of the season.  Later, he shows us the barn where there are not only animals, but also primitive farm equipment pulled by mules and other animals.  Belinda and Bryson pluck fruit from the orchards, while Harvey establishes the workshop on the second floor of the dwelling.
#4 - Jan. 22, 2012: "Outside and In"
Brenda, Jennifer, Annie, and Brandy establish the Barefoot Moms' Club for social interaction; they immediately start a quilting club.  Annie also establishes an in-house beauty parlor in which all the makeups, hair treatments, and shampoos are made from natural ingredients.  Also, Bryson and Belinda start school at the Meadow School facility; it's a temporary location while a one-room schoolhouse is planned for them and their relatives.
#5 - Jan. 29, 2012: "Shootin' the Breeze"
When the days' work is done, the dining room becomes the site of storytelling, games, and talent exhibitions as the family makes up its own fun.  At the end, B.W. sings "Poor Ol' Mule" on her guitar and Hambone performs the body percussion that led to her nickname.  Also on the show: Popeye, the family historian, seeks public records from Johnston County to answer questions about the past, and Jennifer shows the skills she learned as a podiatrist.
#6 - Feb. 12, 2012: "Just One of the Boys"
(There was no episode the previous week due to Super Bowl XLVI.)
Ralph, who is skeptical of Hambone's redneck ways, challenges his sister to a contest of shooting a .45-caliber rifle at clay pigeon targets.  The contest has some simple stakes: whoever loses has to wash all the clothes on a pre-arranged day that Brenda has off.  It all comes down to the final shot!  Meanwhile, Brenda finds a battery-powered radio and cassette player to listen to her favorite songs, and B.W. visits Brandon McLamb, his publicist, who lives on a nearby property.
#7 - Feb. 19, 2012: "Worth a Hill of Beans"
At the end of the fall, B.W. grows his first crop of bean blossoms, which aren't really blossoms at all but more closely resembles broccoli.  Flush with that success, he finds wild versions of wheat and corn at a nearby briar patch, which surprises him because he had been told such crops were extinct.  Ralph washes the dishes after his loss the previous week and wears a woman's apron while doing it, and Brandy and Hambone begin to do battle while milking their cows.
#8 - Feb. 26, 2012: "Smellie and Booger"
Belinda has a dollhouse, which we take a look at for the first time.  And what a time for it: the nine-year-old prodigy is organizing a "marriage" of two of her favorite dolls: Sarah Michelle MacSmelliefoote and Benjamin Jeremiah Boogerberger.  It's filled with moments both hilarious and dramatic.  Also, Brandy finishes her first homemade piece of clothing, and a hollering exhibition is followed by a ceremonial hog-killing.
Season 2
#9 - Jul. 8, 2012: "Are We In or Are We Out"
The Barefoot Moms' Club runs its first-ever fashion show!  They are joined by several guests to show off what they have designed.  In the spirit of the close-knit traditional community, the designers model their own clothes as the common room is turned into a runway.  In addition, Bobby Ray introduces us to some of the family's prized farm animals, and Popeye visits the former home of his great-great-grandfather, "Pink" Barefoot; the former cemetery is now his immediate family's home and is used for extended clan and community events.
#10 - Jul. 15, 2012: "It Only Looks Scary"
The Barefoot family celebrates October Harvest and Heritage Day.  It's like Halloween, without the scary parts or Satanic references.  They do dress in costumes and tell stories of how they either died or nearly died during their original time on Earth.  As part of the festivities, B.W., Brenda, Bobby Ray, and Jennifer take a hayride; meanwhile, Bryson marks the day by joining some male classmates in tying up teacher Shirley Mae Crabtree as a prank.
#11 - Jul. 22, 2012: "Giving Thanks"
For the first time, "the 13" celebrate Thanksgiving.  In the largest gathering to date, all of the rest of the immediate families are there, with the glaring exception of Alfred, Buddy and Bobby's father, who unfortunately went to Hell.  The usual elements are there: large amounts of food, storytelling, and entertainment.  We also see Brenda's insider tips on preparing the perfect holiday meal, and Ralph tours a nearby church he wants to take over.
#12 - Jul. 29, 2012: "Our First Christmas"
This time, "the 13" are joined by only a few distant relatives and family friends.  All the traditions are observed: special message about the birth of Jesus Christ, a formal dinner, a performance of carols from the Barefoot Boys, and gifts.  B.W., for example, gets a replica NASCAR race car resembling that which will debut in the 2013 Sprint Cup Series season.  To top it all off, Biddy arranges for them to speak to Jesus Himself!
#13 - Aug. 5, 2012: "Perfect Harmony"
Three of the boys launch a new Southern gospel music singing group, as Popeye, Ralph, and Harvey start the Barefoot Boys.  When Bobby Ray declines to join them, Popeye walks all over the neighborhood to try to find the fourth singer, until Landon Jr. (Alonzo's nephew) says yes, and the group starts rehearsals.  Also, Harvey also shows off his wrestling skills, which were good enough to make the state tournament, and Ralph updates work on renovating the church.
#14 - Aug. 12, 2012: "I'm Your Bashful Barefoot Beau"
A talent show and mass "date" ends the young ones' time at the Meadow School site.  A group of about six boys - who have called themselves the Rotten Rascals and who include Bryson - say sweet nothings to the girls, and the girls come back to give letter jackets to the Rascals.  Noah - Popeye's nephew - comes by to announce that the one-room schoolhouse is ready for occupancy next fall!  In addition, Harvey picks up another sport by joining a family-based softball team.
#15 - Aug. 19, 2012: "Branchin' Out"
Ralph purchases the Long Branch church two blocks from the family property, and moves services there.  The opening is attended by all 13 residents as well as dozens of their distant kin and their friends.  The Barefoot Boys perform vintage hymns, and everyone dresses in American colonial-to-Civil-War era costumes.  Also on the show, Hambone and Bunky begin spending free time at Camp Paradise, a 150-acre site in nearby Ingrams; Bunky participates in a survival-skills program, while Hambone is a greeter and office assistant.
#16 - Aug. 26, 2012: "Checkers or Wreckers"
The finale of season 2 takes place at the new short-track made of red clay dirt in Bentonville, the town in Johnston County which had been known as site of one of the last major battles of the Civil War.  B.W. climbs into a 1930s-vintage race car and competes against other local drivers in a 150-lap main event.  After a night of beating, banging, and bad tempers, the race ends unlike any other in motorsports history!  We also see flashbacks from a pre-race visit B.W. makes to the Singing Grove in Benson, where his fans celebrated his NASCAR championships and reality-show music competition success.

How the Earth will look...someday

Here's a post that I have been meaning to place for quite some time, but never thought of it.

Those who have read through the end of the Book of Revelation have seen John's vivid description of what a new Heaven and a new Earth will be like.  It will be centered on a New Jerusalem, which is incredibly huge - 1,400 miles long, wide, and even deep.  According to chapter 21:

• The city will not need any light sources since God will provide it.
• There will be no temple, but Jesus Christ himself will have his throne there.
• A "river of life" with fruit trees will run through the center of the city.
• Twelve gates will lead into and out of the city - three from each of the four directions.

And this was my inspiration for the map you see below.  I have relocated 12 different parts of the world to the areas around each of the gates.   They are numbered as on a clock, as follows:

• Gate 12 (due north) - Scandinavia, western Russia, Ukraine
• Gate 1 - Eastern Russia, northern China, central Asia
• Gate 2 - China, Taiwan, Japan, North and South Korea
• Gate 3 (due east) - Southeast Asia, Guam
• Gate 4 - Australia, New Zealand, southern Pacific
• Gate 5 - Afghanistan, Indian subcontinent
• Gate 6 (due south) - Middle East, north Africa
• Gate 7 - Africa south of the Sahara
• Gate 8 - Latin America except northern Mexico, Caribbean
• Gate 9 (due west) - Hawaii, Alaska panhandle, southern Canada, contiguous United States, northern Mexico
• Gate 10 - Western Europe
• Gate 11 - Most of Alaska, northern Canada, Greenland

Please note that some places, especially Europe, have been separated to the point that they are no longer close to any piece of land now attached to it.  But those are unavoidable.  Also, I've placed the regions as close as possible to each other to fit the description of Rev. 21 that the new Earth "shall have no seas" (probably a paraphrase on my part).

Within the New Jerusalem, I have marked Jesus' throne, the river of life, the theater where the Barefoot family performed their Dixie Rising show, and Matt's American Boardwalk.  The last of these is an entertainment mega-complex owned by a character I'm introducing now, Matt Bump.  Features include video games, miniature golf, bowling, a water park, fair-quality rides, and a restaurant and bar.  Think of it as Dave & Buster's, Boomers, and Round 1 - all found in or near this area - rolled into one.


As I wrote as part of this summary page, the entire family goes to Matt's just hours before Dixie Rising - except for Miss Hambone and Ralph, who are left behind in the hotel due to a chaperone arrangement.  Hambone, sufficiently pissed off, has the performance of her life a few days later.  (It should be noted that they are picked up to go to Matt's to join everyone else for the pre-show dinner.  For dessert, they all have the Jack Attack, Bump's most brilliant creation ever.  It is an ice-cream cake with seven ingredients inspired by wrong answers in the bonus game of You Don't Know Jack - "boogers" [chocolate malted balls], "snot" [caramel], "chipped beef" [dark chocolate sauce], "tuna fish" [coconut/whipped cream mix], "chicken" [vanilla ice cream], bananas, and cherries.)

Harvey's "book report" on the Ultimate Fighting Championship

The favorite thing about creating and nurturing my characters is giving them what they need to expand them to the point of being realistic.  And where these features come from could literally be anywhere.

Harvey is one of my newer characters.  I immediately revealed a few things about him; among them, he was a wrestling star in his teenage years.  I had him reach the quarterfinals of the 165-pound class in the North Carolina high school state tournament.  (This is in the collage on the bottom right.)

Until a few years ago, there were few options for wrestlers once their high school - or for the best ones, college - career ends.  There's always the chance to go to the Olympics, but then what?  Real Pro Wrestling was an option, with freestyle wrestlers competing in a pro team franchise format, but it only lasted one season before it went away.  Of course, learning the choreographed style of professional wrestling is an option, but only those who are very big and who have the personality can succeed in the transition.

But in the last few years, another choice has emerged - mixed martial arts, and specifically the big dog of the industry, the Ultimate Fighting Championship.  Chuck Liddell and Brock Lesnar are probably the most famous of those who have made the transition from the mat to the octagon.

Harvey has a desire to one day compete in the UFC, but realizes that his full-time duties on the family farm will most certainly prevent that from happening.  Nonetheless, that hasn't stopped him from following the UFC and learning all he can about it.  Here's his all-too-brief history:

It's hard to believe how the Ultimate Fighting Championship started and how fast it has entered the public consciousness of sports fans.  When it began in 1993, it was literally style versus style in an eight-fighter tournament.  Royce Gracie, who helped invent Brazilian jiu-jitsu, was the first tournament winner.

Back then, there were no weight classes and very few rules.  It got so brutal that state regulators wouldn't allow the fights to happen, and television providers would not carry the pay-per-view.

What saved UFC were a few rules changes and a new and bold change in direction at the top.  First, by UFC 21 in 1996, weight classes were introduced and matches broken down into rounds, just like in boxing.  But the biggest move was when Frank and Lorenzo Fertitta, two brothers who owned a Las Vegas casino, purchased UFC.  They then installed Dana White, a family friend, at its president.  The bald-headed Bostonian has since defined "tireless," spending every hour possible promoting the UFC and its fighters.

UFC not only attracted fighters with boxing, kickboxing, wrestling, jiu jitsu and other backgrounds that combined their skills to make an entirely new sport called mixed martial arts, they also attracted their fans.  Even the Wrestling Observer Newsletter, which had specialized in pro wrestling coverage, has covered UFC and other forms of MMA in depth over the last decade.

As UFC 200 approaches, the sport is one of the most-watched in the second tier in sports (that's the group behind the NFL, NBA, NHL and Major League Baseball, and on par with NASCAR, the PGA Tour, and Major League Soccer).  For its cards, UFC can draw on a pool of some 600 fighters, men and women from all over the world and of all shapes and sizes.

And I firmly think UFC is here to stay - and I'm not alone!

(The files accompanying this article are screen grabs from a personal project in which I summarize all 199 of the numbered cards UFC has run so far.)

In upcoming, I will name Harvey's favorite moments and fighters from the UFC.