Saturday, October 31, 2009

Land of the makeovers

Psst, I've got a little secret for you. The plastic surgeon's office isn't the only place full of transformations. Idealia also has plenty of them.

If you've read this blog, you already know some of them. But here in this post I will go over the complete list of all the transformations I can think of.

Some are respellings of celebrity names. Others are the substitution of real names for pseudonyms of celebrities. And others are the results of relabeling to better fit their descriptions.

A word of caution: The original names have value to the holders and in fact some of the names, no matter how deceptive, may have been chosen for valid reasons. Do not try these at home.

Now for the directory. The first listing is what the person actually is, the second is what it actually should be according to Idealia (that is, me).

  • Brittany Spears - Provocative pop singer (Britney); bluegrass singer
  • Bubba Brister - Former NFL quarterback (Bubby); blues/swing/jazz singer
  • Billy Bob Bryant - University of Texas wide receiver in the 1980s (Bill Boy); legendary football player and rodeo cowboy
  • Matt McBriar - Punter for the NFL's Dallas Cowboys (Mat); Christian pop artist
  • Brett Hart - Professional wrestling star (Bret); anthropologist, TV host, and collector of folk tales

  • Blondie (pictured) - New-wave band (lead singer Deborah Harry is not Blondie); pianist with classical and pop repertoire
  • Hootie and the Blowfish - Soft pop band (lead singer Darius Rucker is not Hootie and band is not the Blowfish); beach music band in which Bobby Dwayne "Hootie" Pittman is lead singer
  • Highland Place Mobsters, DRS (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels), GAT (Gangstas and Thugs), Queens of the Stone Age - Early 1990s R&B vocal groups; "prank mobs" comprised on young local residents, known for mischievous acts (The queens' names are, aptly, Betty and Wilma)
  • Death Cab for Cutie, She Wants Revenge, Bullet for My Valentine - "emo" rock bands; books by author Robin-Hollie Browne which are cautionary tales
  • Biggie Smalls - First stage name of rapper later known as The Notorious B.I.G.; Professional wrestler
  • Color Me Badd - R&B group with some hits in the early 1990s; slogan that can be used by either a cosmetics company or a painter
  • Marilyn Morrison - Mash-up of Brian Warner's stage name (Marilyn Manson) and John Wayne's real name (Marion Morrison); helps residents raise barns and build log cabins
  • Maurice Micklewhite - Actor Michael Caine; main villain in Bunky Barefoot's television show BunkMaster: Operation X
  • Archibald Leach - Actor Cary Grant; first and middle names of avenging angel Archibald Blackbird
  • Ruby Stevens, Harriette Lake, Annie Mae Bullock, Brenda Gayle Webb - Respectively, actresses Barbara Stanwyck and Anne Sothern and singers Tina Turner and Crystal Gayle; members of local quilting club
  • Norma Jean Baker - Marilyn Monroe's first given name; wife of pastor Bobby Baker
  • Alecia Moore - Singer Pink; TV and radio news reporter
  • Barenaked Ladies - All-male quartet of adult contemporary singers; all-female band of doo-wop artists. Band members all have retooled names: Vicky Lynn Smith (namesake of Anna Nicole Smith), Brandy Roderick (respelling of Playboy model Brande Roderick), Tara Patrick (namesake of Carmen Electra), Michelle Mitchell (respelling of Olympic diver Michele Mitchell)

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