Some personal news and notes

Once again, I didn't spend much time thinking about what to write for this column, as school and other commitments got in the way again.  However, there are a few things I want to bring up:

• Shortly after I finished the milkmaid photo (two weeks ago today), I began work on a "family photo" which will feature all 13 family members outside their beautiful country home.  Of course, I am doing this during Photoshop class at ABC Adult School, which I thoroughly enjoy.  I wish I could do Photoshop at home, but the program is too expensive for my budget ($300 even at a student discount) and I don't know if my computer has enough memory for the complex program.
• Here's something B.W. would be proud of: Drew Herring, a real driver who shares a hometown with the made-up three-time champion in NASCAR's top series, has a title of his own - sort of.  He was one of six drivers of the #18 team in the Nationwide Series, which won the owners' points championship and was honored recently at a banquet in Miami Beach.  (This is separate from the drivers' title won by Ricky Stenhouse, Jr.)  The 25-year-old Herring started once in the NNS this year, finishing and starting fourth at Kentucky Speedway in September.  For the record, the other five drivers were Joey Logano, Denny Hamlin, Michael McDowell, Mark Martin, and Ryan Truex.
• Real-life Barefoots did pretty well in the recent Best of Harnett County awards presented by the Daily Record newspaper.  Shelby, a department store salesperson, won for Best Clerk.  Daniel, Dina, and Ashley are all members of the Dunn Police Department (Best Police Force), while Josh is part of Dunn Emergency Services (Best Fire Department and Best Rescue Squad).  Finally, Barefoot's Auto Mart, owned by Shelton, won for Best Used Cars for the 25th straight year (wow!).  There was also one third-place finish, by Jason for Best Plumber.

What if their lives were TV shows?

Just because the Barefoot family doesn't have electricity or running water wouldn't necessarily mean that their lives couldn't make for great television.  After all, the real-life Duggars of Tontitown, AR don't watch TV, yet they've allowed TLC to film their lives for years, and they are the stars of one of the network's most popular shows!

So what if their lives were indeed TV shows?  Well, one can begin with Buddy Wayne: Coming Home, a documentary series about how my title character is adjusting to his life without privilege, and how his family and friends are helping him along the way.

Of course, inevitable success would lead to at least one spin-off.  In fact, what is to say that B.W. makes a whole network out of it, as Oprah Winfrey and "televangelist" Jimmy Swaggart have done? In fact, I have conceived of an entire TV channel called Barefoot Media Network (BMN).  Here are the program descriptions:

Annie’s Book Club
In the absence of TV, a common form of entertainment is to listen as people read from popular books and newspaper articles.  Gillie Ann Barefoot does just that on this series.
At Home With Brenda
Brenda Barefoot, the family’s leading housewife, shares recipes, crafts, and household chores.  She will have occasional guests from which she can learn to do her jobs better.
Belinda’s Doll House
Belinda Barefoot, adorable and bright, uses her extensive doll collection to tell traditional children’s stories and invent new ones.
Bluegrass Barn Dance
In the tradition of the Grand Ole Opry and the Carter Family Fold, the Spears Family Band hosts this concert and weekly dance from their homestead, in a beautiful area resembling the Appalachia that has been sadly lost due to industrialization.  (Brittany L. Spears is B.W.’s former wife.)
BMN: Best of the Week
Missed any of the exciting programs Barefoot Media Network TV carries?  Watch (or record) this two-hour block on weekend mornings.
Boys’ Night Out
The six oldest males (B.W., Bobby, Popeye, Ralph, Harvey, and Bunky) play games, tell stories, and have fun after a hard day’s work at the farm.
Buddy Wayne: Coming Home
This is the flagship show of the network.  It is the weekly story of Buddy Wayne Barefoot, the only person ever to win both a major sports championship and a major entertainment award.  But one day, he is swept away to a new world, one without electricity, running water, or other modern features.  Under the circumstances, he leans on his family and friends to help see him through his new life - and learns values that last forever.
Bunky’s Talent Roundup
Britton Lee “Bunky” Barefoot, the family’s irrepressible teenager, invites the entire family to show their entertainment side.  See B.W.’s best-selling guitar solos, Annie’s piano prowess, the Barefoot Boys’ Southern gospel, Bunky’s drumming and comedy, Hambone’s making music with her body, and more.
Classic TV blocks
These shows are of special interest to the Barefoot family.  The older members grew up on them, and the younger ones yearned to see them.

• Weekdays features The Andy Griffith Show, The Beverly Hillbillies, Little House on the Prairie, and Matlock.
• On weekends, the Western classics The Big Valley and Bonanza are seen back-to-back.

Do Anything with Harvey
Harvey Barefoot shows how to make a wide variety of projects, from woodcarvings and dolls to mule’s shoes and copper pots.
Family Church Services/Church Sing-a-Long
The Rev. Ralph Barefoot is pastor during three weekly services.  Sunday at 11 a.m. is the traditional observance.  The Sunday night service is a sing-along similar to those common in rural churches years ago, based on the shape-note concept.  Wednesday is largely a Bible study session.
Family Game Night
Board games and trivia mark Friday nights at the Barefoot farm house.
Gettin’ Out with Ralph
Ralph Barefoot, who is the family’s master at hunting, fishing, and outdoor life, shares his unique adventures from the “back 40.”
Girls’ Night Out
The five oldest females (Brenda, Jennifer, Annie, Hambone, and Brandy) participate in quilting bees, make homemade crafts, sing, and tell stories.
In the Treehouse with Bryson
The other children’s show stars the youngest resident, Bryson.  By using play and interaction with B.W., Belinda, and his school friends, Bryson learns all about the life he never lived before and does so in an amusing way.
Popeye’s Memory Lane
Alonzo Barefoot tells old family and community stories from some two centuries of Barefoot clan life in North Carolina.
Religious blocks
These programs represent the moral compass that has guided the Barefoots’ lives for decades.

• Weekday mornings feature old programs from J. Vernon McGee and Joyce Meyer, rerun episodes of Life Today and feature segments from The 700 Club, and highlights of crusades from Billy Graham and Jimmy Swaggart.
• On weekend mornings, Rev. Lyman Bowling, the official leader of the new Confederacy, gives services broadcast from the Virginia hills.  This is followed by the “Sunday school” block: Bible Bowl, Davey & Goliath, The Flying House, and Superbook.

Shootin’ the Breeze
Every Monday night, all 11 residents aged 15 and older come together at a communal table to eat and talk.  Everyone is expected to speak their mind freely about all things past, present, and future, both within their family and the outside world.
Various programs
Once a week, BMN presents related programs from other families (McLambs, Ribbles, Bowlings, etc.), holiday shows (Easter, Christmas, etc.), or other one-time specials.  (The Bowlings are in this post.  I wrote about the Ribbles in Chapter 4 of my book.  Billy Bob Ribble [formerly Bryant] is a legendary football player and bull rider, while his wife Krista is a barrel racer.  Billy Bob saved Krista from drowning when both were young.)

B.W.'s big holiday reunion

I am writing you from the Spears house in a beautiful hillside setting, where I am wrapping up a very special holiday visit.

This trip was the first time that I saw my beloved wife, Brittany Lynnette Spears, since we were separated in the aftermath of the Glorious Appearance.  At the time we were set apart, I had the proverbial mixed emotions.  On other hand, Brittany was (and still is) the love of my life, the woman I had always dreamed of - and did everything in my power to make sure I married her.  On the other hand, she has always been part of a family that has been together not only personally but professionally, and as sad as she is not to see me every day, I trust that she has been just as happy seeing them every day.  And both of us knew that some day we would meet again.  This Thanksgiving, it has finally happened.

First of all, I must say that my original marriage to Shayla McLamb is, without question, the most regrettable mistake of my life.  It was a good idea at the time: both families have lived in adjoining tracts of land in North Carolina since at least the 1820s, and some of us from both clans have married over the years.  The symbolism of our marriage was magnified by my fame as a NASCAR champion and award-winning recording artist, and her own singing career which was just getting started.

However, a few years later, a competition show called Sing for the World began.  Backstage, during the first live show at CBS Television City in Los Angeles, I met Brittany for the first time.  She was everything I wanted a woman to be: beautiful round face, bubbly personality, humble and sweet girl next door, lover of God and family.  Oh, and I felt for her, as she was picked on for nearly having the same name as Britney Spears, the global pop star.  (But with all due respect, Brittany is a much better singer.) 

At that point, I realized that I should have waited for her, rather than enter into marriage with Shayla as quickly as I did.  The divorce was a long, drawn-out process, left Shayla understandably bitter, and left me on the outs with everyone in the McLamb family except Brandon.  (For more on this subject, see chapter 9 of the book. - D.H.) 

Nevertheless, I carried on the relationship.  On finale night of that show, I thought it was time to propose.  She had just turned 18, and I thought for sure it would be a long shot to have her accept.  But in a true moment of surprise, she accepted.  However, as a consequence of blowing about $300,000 on my first marriage, leaving me nothing for another proper ceremony, I ended up marrying Brittany in the middle of their barn in front of only a few people.

When I opened the door to the Spears' battered but serviceable farm house, it was as if we had never parted.  The embrace we had was long and warm, and both of us were crying.  It was the joy that only two intimately related people could share.

Brittany looked somewhat younger than when I met her, as her age was reset to 17 - exactly how old she was when she first appeared on live TV.  She had really been 19 when I married her and 20 when we had our daughter, Blanton Elizabeth, who we also call "Lizzie."  On the other hand, Lizzie was just the adorable little infant she was when I last saw her!  "She's like a living doll, and I look forward to taking care of her every day," Brittany told me.  "The only problem is that I don't get the sleep I would like.  I have to nap a few times a day to make up for it." (Avatar: Infant son of Lindsay Barefoot, name not disclosed)

I also learned some exciting news on this trip: The Spears family band now has four generations of performers in its official lineup!  Breckinridge Spears, the founder of the group known affectionally as "Grandpa Breck," has picked up his mandolin once again.  He had retired from the group full time some years ago, but had continued to perform occasionally until his first life ended.  Also in the band are his sons, Burton and Bartley, both on the washboard; Burton's sons Blanton Sr. (fiddler) and Belcher (banjo), and Blanton Sr.'s children Blanton Jr. (fiddler), Bunch (mandolin), Brashears (string guitar), and Bailey (harmonica).  "Grandpa Breck" and Bunch are occasional vocalists, but of course Brittany handles most of that.  Of course, Lizzie is too young to join them, but loves to dance to the music!

Our Thanksgiving night was memorable.  After a brief prayer service, we had not only the usual food of turkey, ham, stuffing, and cranberry juice, but also meat from deer, raccoon, squirrel, and other wildlife in the mountain area where they live.  Then it was on to the stage built right into their home for a night of singing, playing instruments, and dancing.  We ended the night with our duet, "When the Bough Breaks."  That song was number-one on the American pop and country charts when it was released on my first album after I won the competition.  (On a trivia note, this made Brittany and Britney the first homophone singers to have #1 songs in the U.S.)

It was a great time and no doubt I will see Brittany again soon.  God bless, and happy Thanksgiving to you all.

This may 'blow' up in Bunky's face

Oops!  It seems that Bunky Barefoot, Buddy Wayne's first cousin and proud prankster, has "hijacked" this blog and is now posting this story, which he insists is true, about a "dirty girl" and her billboard in one of Bunky's favorite cities.  Once the rest of his devout Baptist family sees this, look out! - D.H.


LAS VEGAS - "BLOW ME."

A lovestruck recent high-school graduate has bought space on a 80-foot-high billboard in the middle of the Strip with a clear message that has everyone talking.

Alecia Amy Moore convinced her parents to spend $10,000 on the billboard to commemorate her 18th birthday and it now can be seen outside the Fashion Show Mall across from the Wynn/Encore resort complex.  She did it, she says, to have fun with her name and with her namesake's number one song.  She even went so far as to suit up in a lacy pink dress with a pink cap worn backwards, as the other Moore is known throughout the world as P!nk.

Of course, not everyone is amused.  Not only are there the protests from religious leaders and conservatives in the public eye, but of course P!nk herself is unhappy.  In a statement, she wrote, "'Blow Me (One Last Kiss)' is clearly an angry breakup song in response to an abusive man.  For someone else to twist the message in this perverse way is an outrage."  Harvey Levin of TMZ, himself a former lawyer, replied, "A cease-and-desist order is all but certain here."

Alecia says her parents, after being enraged early on, have finally accepted it.  "I've gotten maybe 1,000 people reach me by phone, tweet, Facebook since this has come up," she told the Las Vegas Review-Journal.  However, she's not looking to join the ranks of local call girls who often pass out small cards to tourists on the Strip.  "I want serious inquiries only!"

The author's return to school and a new picture

I have now spent two full weeks in my return to ABC Adult School, at which I am taking two classes.  One of them is something called ethical hacking.  In this class, which I am taking in the afternoon, we are learning how hackers illegally break into computer systems.  These tricks are now being used by individuals and companies to help them improve their own security systems.  Our instructor, Bob Takhar, even allows us to do this at home, with the caveat that neither he nor the school will be responsible for any illegal activity that develops.

The other is a Photoshop class I have in the morning.  It is taught by Brady Poirier, who is the hands-down winner of the Howie Mandel lookalike contest at our school!  One of the results of the class is the picture you see here, in which Hambone (Alyssa Barefoot) and Brandy (Amanda Barefoot) are seen milking cows.  I will have more such illustrations ahead, including a "family photo."





As it stands now, Buddy Wayne will have the week off, although I could change that in the next few hours.  If he doesn't resurface, it will be because B.W. is packing to go to the Spears house in the hollows of Idealia.  That's where he'll spend Thanksgiving with his beloved former wife, Brittany Lynnette Spears, or the homophone who has real musical talent.:)

Bonus post: A real Barefoot family

Although B.W. and his family are symbolic of the Barefoot family in North Carolina, they're by no means alone.  There are some Barefoots in other Southern states like Virginia, South Carolina, Alabama, Mississippi, and Texas, and I've encountered quite a few that live in Canada and England as well.

But the second-highest number of Barefoots in the United States live in Pennsylvania.  These namesakes are descended from the Barfuss family in Germany and have lived in and around Pittsburgh for at least the last 125 years.  There is no direct relationship between the families.

This blog, coincidentally at the same address as this blog, follows the genealogy of these real people.  It includes links to newsletters of their annual reunions, which take place every August.

See also this list of real-life Barefoots of some fame.

Honoring our American veterans

Because of the busy schedule I have had this week, with my return to ABC Adult School for two classes five days a week and an appointment to get a haircut, I haven't given any thought as to what to write for my weekly blog entry.  But this morning, as I ducked into a nearby restaurant during an extended break in classes, I saw ESPN list its employees who had served in the United States military prior to working there.  So that was the spark: Why not make up a similar list of Idealia residents who did the same?

On this Veterans Day weekend, here's a "salute" to all 28 residents who served in the U.S. military during their previous lives.  Thank you for all you've done, and you have deserved your eternal peace.

And I would be remiss in not mentioning my own father, who served in the Marines during the Vietnam War.

Kyle Baldridge - Air Force
Ralph Barefoot - Marines
Blackman Bibb, Jr. - Army
Bunkley Blanks - Air Force
James Boatwright - Coast Guard
Michael Bobo - Marines
Smelley Ray Bobo - Navy
Mary-Taylor Boozer - Army
Adam Bowling - Army
Dwayne Brayboy - Marines
Cody Joe Brookshire - Navy
Danny Bull - Coast Guard
Tyler Butt - Marines
Paul Buzzard - Air Force
Jeremiah Crabtree - Army
Aaron Dingleberry - Marines
Dennis LaBarbour - Army
Laura Laughinghouse - Air Force
Bizzell Littlebridge - Navy
Tommy McBunch - Air Force
LeBuddy McClammy - Army
David McRunnel - Army
Nathaniel Pancake - Navy
Jason Peacock - Army
Patrick Rabbitt - Air Force
David Rapp - Air Force
Rhubarb Spikes - Army
O'Neale Timberlake - Marines