Here are the summaries of the fifth and sixth seasons of the reality documentary Gone Barefoot, if that mythical series actually aired.
Jan. 5, 2014: "Bad Bone, Good Girls" (2 hours)
The cliffhanger surrounding Hambone's whereabouts early in the morning of the family reunion is resolved. It is revealed that she slipped out of the all-ages formal dance without telling anyone else, took off her formal clothes, slipped into redneck gear, and spent the rest of the night with the Camp Paradise cousins in a pine forest behind the property. After seeing her with bloodshot eyes, B.W. gives her a verbal warning against any further action in the future. Also on the show, Brandy ends her reign as Miss Idealia and watches Megan Turnipseed (former BMN Superfan contestant) win the crown; the show also honors Tonya McBrookins, a black woman from Louisiana who was allowed to enter the pageant in the 1960s, despite the rampant discrimination in the South at the time; she made the live finale only to be pulled under immense pressure from the region's political and business leaders.
Jan. 12, 2014: "Beautiful Barefoot Day"
B.W. explains the origin of the Barefoot last name and why going barefoot at all times is important to the family. Meanwhile, the family overcomes the summer heat by holding a "beach party" on the pond, complete with belly flops, swimming, and playing in the mud. At night, the family gathers at Bryson's treehouse for the unveiling of the poster that depicts the made-up movie Showdown at Las Positas. In the “film,” Bryson plays the world’s youngest Western-style sheriff, who protects a town in the southwestern United States from outlaws. A red carpet leads to the treehouse, which is decorated with all kinds of Western stuff. Beth, a cousin of B.W.’s and expert baker, delivers a cake to share at the end of the meal, and B.W. and Popeye sing songs typical of those in period serials.
Jan. 19, 2014: "Meadow Night Lights"
The new stadium at Meadow School hosts its first game, as the Meadow Indians alumni team takes on the Coats Yellowjackets. The stadium is named for the Barefoot family, which donates $2 million to the county for construction costs. Harvey makes his return to football playing for Meadow, while Hambone and Beth are on the sidelines as cheerleaders. With time running out, "Lil' Jack," one of the third cousins who help out at Camp Paradise, intercepts a pass to seal the 27-24 win for the Indians. The "halftime show" is an update on ceremony preparations.
Jan. 26, 2014: "Welcome to the Show!"
A letter delivered by Braylor McPatter, the local carrier, has exciting news for everyone: The Barefoots have been chosen to perform at a world's fair celebrating the ascension of Jesus Christ to his throne in the new Jerusalem! In the shows, everyone expresses their love for their Lord and Savior in different ways. B.W. goes to work picking a title for the family's variety show, "Dixie Rising," and a general theme celebrating life in the rural Southern United States. Also, Brian Warner, director of this program, travels to the World Showcase portion of Epcot, part of the Walt Disney World Resort in Florida, to tour a real world's fair similar to the one the Barefoots will visit.
Mar. 9, 2014: "Life With Popeye"
(This show followed a five-week suspension due to Super Bowl XLVIII, the 2014 Winter Olympics, and the 86th Academy Awards.)
Buddy Wayne spends a day with Popeye and all 10 of his brothers and sisters at their home on state highway 50, about three miles from the farm. They help with chores around the house and at the backyard farm, have dinner together, tell stories, and sing. Some of them also agree to help on B.W.'s farm site during events such as the upcoming world's fair show, of which they react with great excitement. Speaking of the show, B.W. has "writer's block" relating to the program; he has several parts of the show for which he has to give roles to family members and has no idea where to begin. Also, Bunky explains and exhibits one of his favorite passions, called either parkour or freerunning.
Mar. 16, 2014: "Re-Generation"
Bunky, Hambone, and Brandy join dozens of cousins, aunts and uncles at the John Noah Youth Jam, a spin-off "family reunion" with separate events, one for school-aged children and another for teenagers and young adults. While those of school age hang around the mud pit and treehouse and come home early, the older attendees play cornhole, volleyball, and other party games at a slumber party highlighted by a "lip rock" performance by a group called the Honey Bees, which includes Hambone and five friends. (A "lip rock" is one in which a large group of performers mouth the words to a popular song with elaborate choreography.) The show also features businesses owned by two of the attendees and distant relatives of B.W.: cousin Beth's bakery and aunt Ola's photography shop. Finally, the official invitation to the Spears-Barefoot "re-wedding" is revealed.
Mar. 23, 2014: "You Can Hear the Bells"
Preparations for the renewal of vows are in full swing. On the groom's side, the usual bachelor party is replaced by a church service and Southern gospel performance. Meanwhile, the Spears family holds a bridal shower with traditional music, games, and stories of the Ulster-Scot Appalachians before the attendees start the 430-mile trip to North Carolina via traditional methods. The bride, groom, bridesmaids, and groomsmen all have their clothes handmade, mostly by Brenda and Annie.
Mar. 30, 2014: "The Circle Is Unbroken"
After five years together and four as a married couple, Buddy Wayne and Brittany Raylene renew their vows and hold the formal ceremony they have always wanted. Their daughter Lizzie serves as the ring girl, Ralph brings the two back into marriage, and Hambone acts up again, pretending to object to the wedding then saying that she was just kidding. At the reception, the first dance occurs to the music of their hit song "When the Bough Breaks." The farm house hosts the wedding, while Long Branch hosts the reception.
Season 6
Jul. 6, 2014: "Many Happy Returns"
After their second wedding on the North Carolina farm, Buddy Wayne and Brittany travel to the Caribbean Sea for their honeymoon. Starting out in Miami, the itinerary includes Havana, Cancún, the Cayman Islands, Jamaica, the Virgin Islands, and the Bahamas. At the end of the 14-day trip, B.W. tells Brittany about the variety show he's putting together; she agrees to be part of the show and even write an original song to be performed at the end. The show features a tour of Port Royal, the former "Sin City" of the Caribbean finally rebuilt in the Millennium, and special performances of local music.
Jul. 13, 2014: "Big Bucks, Double Whammy"
Buddy Wayne, Hambone, Popeye, Ralph, Harvey, and Bobby Ray join nine others in the extended family for Camp Paradise's largest hunting trip ever. After a day trying to pin down bucks and other woodland creatures, it's time for a huge party around the fire, centered on "bonfire barbecue" and beer. Hambone tries to make B.W. and Ralph drink, which make them both uncomfortable. Everyone stays overnight, and then B.W. tries his hand at driving through the mud bog the next day. An afternoon of swimming and belly flops ends the second day.
Jul. 20, 2014: "Glory Days"
Buddy Wayne was a point guard in basketball while attending high school, and on this episode he returns to the court. In this game, Meadow takes on the Four Oaks Cardinals; among the opposing team's players is Harold "Bud" Strickland, perhaps the greatest athlete in the history of Johnston County. Strickland, it turns out, is a distant relative: one of B.W.'s aunts is married to one of Bud's sons. Oh, and he's also Hambone's boss at Camp Paradise! Also, Belinda aces the final exams at the Overshot School and receives a special award from Noah, while Bryson and the Rotten Rascals scatter the trees with toilet paper to mark the last day.
Jul. 27, 2014: "This Will Be Big"
B.W. receives information about New Jerusalem, the world's fair site, and the shows. When told that the city is 1,400 miles long, wide, and high - as described in Revelation 22 - Hambone exclaims, "This will be big!" Unfortunately, just as big is the problem she has with her mother, Annie, who she accuses of abandoning in favor of Brandy. Annie responds that Brandy asked her to help with Miss Idealia, and that this took up a lot of time. Besides, she adds, "Anytime you need me, I'm right here." The two settle their differences over a relaxing mud bath. Also on the show: B.W. and Bud Strickland are among the first inductees into the Johnston County Sports Hall of Fame, and Brenda earns a spot in a cookbook created by home cooks from throughout the South.
Aug. 3, 2014: "View to a Real Talk"
One of the "shooting the breeze" segments unwittingly turns into a parody of daytime television's all-female talk shows. Brenda, Annie, Jennifer, and Brandy dish on what they loved and hated about their past lives, as well as why things are so much better now. Belinda also stops by to show off her dollhouse to the mothers' club. In addition: Popeye and Ralph compete in relative "Rack" Barefoot's annual fishing derby, B.W. speaks by secret cell phone to Brittany Raylene to update the song they're co-writing, and B.W.'s cousin Kim Strickland sings "Belly Rubbin'" on an open-mike night in Nashville. (Brittany and Kim are roommates in the "Music City.")
Aug. 10, 2014: "The Show is Revealed"
Buddy Wayne reveals the final rundown for Dixie Rising and everyone seems to like the roles they have been given. However, he warns them that experience will be unlike anything they have done before, and that he's heard that Jesus Himself might be in the audience. "No pressure, huh?" Brandy asks sarcastically. Speaking of Brandy, her brother Bunky is having a hard time finding the right music for his one-man band performance and fears he'll run out of time; and Hambone informs the four brothers/third cousins about her trip to the New Jerusalem and finalizes plans to turn the place over to them in her absence. Finally, Popeye creates - and solves - his own crossword puzzle.
Aug. 17, 2014: "Won't You Be My Redneck?"
In the last episode before the trip to New Jerusalem, B.W. finalizes all the arrangements for travel, hotel, rehearsal schedules, and even free time before the show. At the end of the planning session, B.W. has a surprise announcement: Ralph has been named Hambone's chaperone, citing Hambone's propensity for running off and the need to keep to a very tight schedule once they arrive. Ralph readily agrees, but his sister is absolutely incensed; she wonders why she is being singled out for what she sees as unfair punishment. After some time of back-and-forth bantering, Hambone lets out an impression of the children's TV host Fred Rogers that becomes the title of this episode. In the end, it's time for the clan to board an airplane - most for the first time ever - as it takes off from Raleigh/Durham International Airport.
Aug. 24, 2014: "Dixie Rising"
First hour: The Barefoot family arrives in New Jerusalem and finds their hotel room. There, a welcome reception takes place and they meet the other performers from around the world. One of them catches Ralph's eye! The next day, it's on to the 7,000-seat All-American Theater where the show will take place, and needless to say, everyone is awestruck! A full rehearsal takes place, and the clan meets the backup singers, dancers, actors, and others that have come to enhance the show. After it's over, there's a free night. Most of them go to Matt's Boardwalk, which has arcade games, bowling, and racing karts. But Hambone has to stay behind with Ralph, which leaves her sighing, "I'm bored!" in a memorable scene. Everyone does come together for the rehearsal dinner, which introduces us to the "Jack Attack," an ice-cream cake with "boogers" and "snot" (relax, actually malted milk balls and caramel, respectively).
Second hour: The clan arrives for their big moment, nervous as all out, especially Hambone; she thinks the show is the only way she can garner the attention she thinks she deserves. What's worse, her costumes don't arrive until just before the show starts. Blondie, the session pianist, also gets there just in the nick of time. But everything is in place, the lights go down, and the show begins: the women read from Proverbs 31, Bunky turns into a one-man band, Hambone gets down to a classic country song, and B.W. and Brittany Spears debut a new blues/bluegrass/Nashville hybrid song, "We Will Rise." After the show, it's back to the hotel and then the airport for the trip home.
